Easter Psalm

So Yesterday at Kairos, our Pastor JR had us take the last 5 minutes of his message time to write a psalm to God. 5 people shared what they wrote. I did not, but I thought I might as well put mine up here... So this is inspired by the things JR addressed in his message...


Lord,
let me not struggle
in your delverance

When you hear
the cry of my heart
but I hold the medicine
in my mouth
refusing to swallow
Let your mercy surround me

When I pray for a sign
Then defiantly look through it
Turn my eyes to yours

Rebuke me in your Love
and let your correction
be the Light that leads me.

Do not let me dawdle on the path
Or sink down
when I protest I am tired
Be the strength in me
and urge me ever onward
Discontent with everything
but pure obedience
to Your perfect, divine,
Loving will

Letter to the Editor

In Me
Can Your purposes prevail?
Can death be swallowed up in life?
Will you coax my clenched fists open
to let go of the sorrow I hold so dear?
Will you teach my frozen fingers
to hold onto the joy
that seems to me, a fleeting bird
but that you said
would make its home in my heart?

In Me
Can you fill all my emptiness with your love?
Will you anchor me with a faith
that can weather any storm?
Will you fill my mouth with your words
so that when I open my lips
the 'right thing to say' would pour forth
rather than be strategically extracted
like a tooth?

In Me
Can I ever hear your voice?
Guiding
Encouraging
Correcting
Speaking words of Love?
If I call it a prayer,
Will you listen to all of my little stories
that bore everyone else?
Will you be the friend that never leaves my side
and gets every context I walk through?

In Me
Will you reveal your truth?
Can you help me to understand--
both for your general audience, and for me personally?
Can you help me to trust You
so that when the enemy points his finger at me,
Even if I can't laugh it off,
At least I can seek your comfort
as I cower in the shadows?

In Me
Can I breathe you into these
sin-saturated lungs?
Can I ooze you out of my pores
when the heat is on?
Can you be the fire that dances behind my eyes
when I hear your name mentioned?
Will you be the one part of me
that strangers and friends covet for themselves?

In Me
Can I find You?
And in You...
can I be?

Magnetic Poetry from My Refrigerator

If for no one else's amusement other than my own, I hereby publicly present the ordering of words that have accumulated on my refrigerator during the last 10 months. [Shout out to my pal Foxx who got me this set of words in the first place...interestingly enough she and our mutual pal Scott/Spot both know the guy who invented this clever medium of fine art]

[In no particular order]

Never smooth
my Rain
would want frantic power
above easy going places
Most heave and trudge after their ship floods
Let them
I will storm by
& leave you in my mist

Trip some sordid language
none of it
tells of my moments

Aching as one will
for sweets not near
like him

Behind the smell of Bitter
is a forest we see
as though there
by gift

Some of the enormous sun
Springs over you
with a lust barely gorgeous
Then in show
it pounds beauty
through summery sea sprays
always manipulating
the weak

He shot her
when he read love
like a chant
said true as death
She did crush the moon
and take a thousand less-delicate chains
So may they sing
away from these honeyed tongues
Two rusting blue blood
but with next life together

A road to winter
and ugly hair

The picture is gone
yet I dream about time felt
I like falling into visions
black like whispers beneath sleep

Day must run
Drive shadows here
and elaborate its need
to stare at you
Still
meaning hits
or stops
& sadness asks me
why I recall the Light

Pecan Pie and a Poem

This afternoon I stopped by the grocery store on my way home from work.
I pretty much hate grocery shopping.
I think I've said this on my blog before, so I won't rehash why.
Today, however, I made an impulse purchase that was really worth the $2...a piece of pecan pie from Ralph's Bakery. (Ralph's is the name of the grocery store. Yes, I know that's a hilariously ironic name for a grocery store, but that's California!)
When I got home and dove into my slice of heaven, I couldn't help but remember that about 10 years back, I hated pecan pie. It's weird how time changes things. I think I enjoyed every possible bite of the pie I had today...yum!

And I was planning on posting the magnetic poetry on my refrigerator (I'll be leaving my apartment at the end of August, so I might as well 'publish' this stuff before it disappears forever!), but discovered I hadn't saved it on my laptop as previously thought.
So instead I'm going to put up something I wrote back in September or October...when I was still moving into my current apartment (or at least still trying to sort my stuff).
Here it is for you to enjoy or spit at (hey, it's your computer screen!)...

MESS-Y
My room is a mess
with these piles of clutter
But You’ve taught me
There’s much more to godliness
than merely cleanliness
and this is the fruit
of my re-aligned priorities

My schedule is a mess
with fragmented bits of routine
that would shame any soldier
But you’ve taught me
to value people over perfection
and to dethrone the pride of discipline
with a reminder that You alone are King

My goals are a mess
with to-do lists written on ripped envelopes
unread books on my shelf
a subconscious list of people and places to visit
Not enough days on the calendar
and only dark mists as I look to the future
But You’ve taught me
The value of Faith
and letting you guide me along this path
as I focus on each consecutive step to take

My heart is a mess
filled with bittersweet memories and volatile emotions
brimming with deepest compassion
and yet shallow, self-centered, and condemning.
But You’ve taught me to give it all to You
And from this ugly lump of clay
You can coax unimaginable beauty.

Jesus...For such a One as Me

I hate knowing you’ll have to show me again
That the mists you divide and clear before my eyes
will once more settle between us
and keep me guessing
If I were you, I would have no patience
for such a one as me.

I hate that my ears are so stopped up
That I keep asking for the answers
You’ve already given,
Embarrassing myself for Lack of Listening
or confusing Your voice with my own
If I were you, I doubt I would repeat myself
for such a one as me.

I hate that I muddy it all up
That I seek to walk the line dividing right from wrong
but the colors bleed around me
and I lose track of what side I’m on...

I’m sorry that life seems like caffeine
and when too much accumulates,
I become all jitters and shakes with no focus
and I need you to never stop
pulling me to your chest
So I can realign my world with your heartbeat
and begin to breathe deep again
as you murmur ‘Hush’ over me.
If I were you, my compassion would grow cold
for such a one as me.

I’m sorry I can only trust in my weakness
While I seem to look for you
only in my strength
Help me to work out the equation
For You, alone are the utmost desire
for such a one as me.

Words for Leon/Ode to Joy

[disclaimer: ok, this is one of the darker pieces I've written, but I'm willing to share it all the same]

Is this tightening in my Gut
a return to reality?
How is it that I forgot
and began to expect
thorns among the roses
rather than roses among the thorns?
What was it
that distracted my attention
from the fact
that 'dis' usurps the power of contentment
just as 'mis' overrules understanding?
How did it escape me
that just as a child's joy grows cold
when January's Sun shines bleakly
over the bounty of Christmas passed,
so in this life
all the goodness I've felt in
my bones
faded with a new sunrise?
Why can't I rest with the idea
that rest remains ever-ellusive
and dreams are meant to remain
just out of reach?
Tonight I will embrace my loneliness,
and give thanks for all I have not been given;
smile at every severed cord,
look neither into my future nor my past,
and delight in the impossibility of life.
This bullet may never become lodged
in my skull,
but every day I bite down on it
with breaking teeth...

Another Headache Poem

[googled image]

Ode to My Headache Revisited, Part II, or Why I'm Slow to Take Tylenol

Confusion may be dizzying
But when my weary eyes
dart to and fro
You move in with compassion
and cup my head
in your steady grip
saying, "Peace...
look only to me, now..."

Heartbreak may be ground-shaking
But when I fear I've lost all balance
your scorpion's tail becomes
my anchor
and the solid pillar
I can lean against
as I stand

Stress may be overwhelming
But when you arrive at its Banquet
you are given the seat of honor
and all other guests
bow their knees in humility
as you reign over them
with a smile.

How am I so favored as to
have won your allegiance?
How was I so deceived
as to have invited you in?

Another melodramatic offering from Moi

[disclaimer: ok, so I saw no copyright on this googled image, despite it's professional look, so I hope I'm in the clear...!]

The Battle

A tiny breath
navigates this crowded air
and makes its way into my lungs
having been sent from yours

It carries your fingerprint
and seeps into my blood
infecting me
with an addictive appetite
that will not be satisfied

My forcefield is deactivated
and in its stead
rises a relentless magnetism
that pulls me to you
even as I fight it

What strain of madness is this
that my logic spits upon
but to which the weaker parts of my heart
offer footing?

Why this monstrous urge
to reach out my hand to yours?
or dive into your eyes
and therein hide my love...?

Surely there must be some supplement
to counteract this chemical reaction.
Show me your weak spots
and ugliness
and I'll pray it serves as the syrum
rather than a hook in my flesh
that would drag me deeper down

I will find strength
as my feet stand on this Rock
that proclaims victory over every battle.
My knees might tremble and shake
but they will not bend
to this un-nameable electricity.

I grind my teeth
and steel myself
as I wait for this storm to pass
couting the breaths till it does...

And when exhausted, I fall asleep
and You haunt me even then,
Innocence will be my shield
as I lean into your phantom
and count it not a sin.

Staring Problem

[my apologies if the following Photo is disturbing to viewers, but it seemed to fit well with the theme of what I was going for...]











It is said, "The Eye never has its fill of seeing,"
but I willingly submit mine
to be forever shut
and therefore be freed from the perpetual
Beauty and Pain
that dance across my retinas
then fall like icycle-daggers into my heart

Count me among the blind
by choice
and hand me my walking papers
But may it be an irrevocable decree
so that my memory might also one day forget.
Four other senses continue on strongly--
Let them absorb the blessings of the Accursed
May sweet blackness envelop me from this second onward
even in the brightest light

When I look in your eyes
it feels like home
and I could be happy there forever.
But the shame I bear
is that the gate remains locked
and the Key is not to be found...
So I pledge to quit looking
but these eyes--
these STUPID eyes--
cannot help but be drawn in by yours.

No Right to Complain

I'm ok
and the breeze cools my skin
I'm smiling on the inside
Even as I look past you
I am Full I am Full I am Full
Sometimes so much
I have to spout like a fountain
and the breeze is gentle
ever blowing

I'm ok
so ok
and more than ok
I'm happy without reason
even when It disappears
and the right melodies
choke me up in sobs
I am Full I am Full I am Full
even when I'm empty
and the wind stops in its tracks

The smile is there in my tears
because the pain is not born of regret
only life and its choices
and facing my less-than-a-mustard seed
while I long for a boulder
That stands firm in the gusts
But I am Full I am Full I am Full

of the tears and the smiles and the wind
and hopes that my vision will clear
and I'll see my whole story one day--
not as the alternate ending of a
Choose Your Own Adventure
But the divine novel You intended from Page One
And it is Full It is Full It is Full
of subplots

[googled image is called Allegory of Faith by MORETTO da Brescia from Web Gallery of Art...so beautiful--I can't believe I hadn't seen it before...]