Reflections from turning 27...#1 I am loved!

In order to not post an epic story (God writings are good enough for that, huh?), I'm going to break this thread up and give it to you in a few installments...

My birthday occurred a few weeks back, but the reflections continue on thus far...

Sometimes I go throw patches of life where it seems that the Lord is really trying to teach me something/speak to me about something/test me on something.
This seems to have been one of those times.
The lesson is not easily put into a nutshell, and it seems to draw two different ideas together.

I think this lesson began with a couple of books I completed reading recently. Both are excellent, and I highly recommend them. They are Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge, and Abba's Child by Brennan Manning.
Both books really spoke to my heart and brought me into a deeper understanding of God's love for me. I know that probably sounds cliche. But imagine the practicality of it--to actually feel like you have a better grasp on the idea. That's what has unfolded for me.

Now this might get a bit cerebral, but stick with me.

When I was a little kid, my mom did a great job of making sure I had a wonderful birthday. Every year we would do something special--go to Showbiz Pizza, have a little party, let me have friends sleep over, etc.
A strange (or was it?) thing happened at some point in my adolescence. I began to feel unworthy. I noted that other people observed their birthdays without a big 'to-do'. What made me so special that I thought the world should pause and take note of the day I was born?
And so I started a strange backlash against the celebrating, which I think was fueled by false humility and misdirected motives. I began to try to NOT celebrate my birthday. Each year it became almost a game with myself to see how many people I could NOT tell...how much I could escape the birthday spotlight...
I seemed to hit the apex of this endeavour about a year ago when I turned 26. Of course I still received a few emails, calls, and cards (and I did sincerely appreciate all who made a point of remembering), but the day came and went without much of a pause, and most of the people I surrounded myself with didn't have a clue.
This year, as the date grew closer, I began to go the same route. But then something changed as I read the aforementioned books.
Deep in my soul, it was like I heard God's voice firmly--"I love you Kristie, and I want you to celebrate the life I've given you!"
My plans started small...maybe I would spend sometime in reflection and prayer, and then go see a movie alone, but open to God's whisperings in my heart.
But then a few different friends discovered the truth that my b-day was at hand, and made a point of ensuring I felt appreciated.

One of my roommates and I actually have the same birthday. A few days prior, she wrote me a note asking if she could be included in the festivities that night. At that point there were no festivities scheduled, but I agreed.
Then my canvas group (aka small group/home group--i.e. a fellowship group from church) leaders found out, and made some plans with me.
And my friend Carrie remembered, and called me up to see what I would be doing.

So Canvas group was the night before, and when I arrived, a big banner was up that said "Happy Birthday!" The fun thing is that Greg L. (who was a pastor of mine for a while in MN, but now lives with his family out here in LA and is in the same canvas group) has the same birthday too. So there was a birthday ice-cream pie for both of us, and lots of well-wishes.

The next day I got through opening at work, and had a number of coworkers wish me a Happy Day...and as simple as that is, it always means a lot to me.
Immediately after leaving work, I got together with my friends Eun Chu and Leana for a tasty Korean meal at a restaurant not too far from where I live.
It was a great time and the food was fantastic!
As I got in my car to drive back to my apartment, I thought of what would come next...running a few errands, and then a meal together with my roommates, Carrie, and my friend Andrew, after which we would go see the movie Apocolypto.
I reflected on what I had said to my roommate H. the night before--"I'm pretty sure this is going to be my best birthday ever."
And then I looked at my cell phone to see I had a few voicemails...

(to be continued)

KR recommends: The Nativity Story and Rocky Balboa

Yes, go to a theatre near you and watch one!

I saw The Nativity Story on its opening weekend with my friend Leana. I wanted to see it again on Christmas, but was more than a tad disgusted to find it was no longer showing in the immediate Hollywood viscinity. [Come on people! Regardless of if it was doing well at the box office or not, what sort of a fool cuts out a Christmas-themed movie right before Christmas?!!! AH!!!]
This movie had a lot going for it.
The only bit of slight negativity I felt was a direct result of the dialouge being performed in English. I guess the film-makers weren't up for an endeavour on the same level as The Passion...can't say I blame them. So, instead, everyone talks with an accent (Hebrew? Israeli? I don't know!). That's all fine and well for most all of the cast who I've never heard speak before, but Keisha Castle-Hughes (I hope I got that right!)--aka the girl who plays Mary--doesn't get off so easy. See, she was the star of the film Whale Rider (which is one of the 7 or so DVDs I own), and by and large Maori (native to New Zealand). Having lived in ol' Aotearoa for a stretch, I know how her talking should sound...and I even heard it peeking through the forced accent at times. So, that was a tad bit off-putting.
Otherwise, the film was beautiful.
There were so many moving elements...one being that the film opens with the song "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" (one of my most favorite hymns ever!) and then in short order shows what dire straights the people of Israel lived in when Jesus was born. (In other words, the song does excellent work of setting the mood.)
The guy that played Joseph is also my new official celebrity crush. Ha! Don't worry, I'm not going to be tracking down the actor (Oscar Isaac I think it was) and asking to take him out for a cup of coffee or anything, but I do think his acting was brilliant. The dramatic license the movie affords paints Joseph as such a good man, you can't help but love him. And whenever he looks at Mary, you can just see the love in his eyes. (That's good acting!)

So on Christmas day, being stripped of the opportunity to immerse myself in the Christmas story once more, I opted to see the latest (and final?) volume in the American Epic that is ROCKY.
See this movie--especially if you're a Rocky fan!
It is sweet, good, funny, inspiring, and a piece of American culture.
I felt good being able to say that I'd finally watched a Rocky movie in the theatre.
And call me old-fashioned, but I love the fact that this is a PG movie, and adults can still appreciate it. Sylvester Stallone (besides acting as Rocky, he wrote all the scripts you know) may be one of the most chivalrous men in the industry...God bless him!
It's also nice to see the return of a hero--you know?
The character of Rocky really reflects Christ.
He teaches us to not be afraid, to act in humility, to love our enemies, to keep getting up when life throws us some tough punches, to not be hung up with what other people think, and with this film, he also brings us into the idea of aging... I won't give the entire theme away, but from my own perspective, I feel a lot more comfortable at the thought of becoming elderly now that I've seen how Rocky has handled it. Is that lame?...oh well if it is! Turn up the Survivor tunes and let's hit the gym!!!

God Writing #34: Going deeper into Forgiveness

10/23/06 (yes, that was a couple of months ago already!)

Yesterday at church, our pastor (JR) spoke on the subject of forgiveness. It's an area of faith that constantly intrigues and yet perplexes me. When real forgiveness happens, it can be one of the most beautiful things in the world. When it isn't happening, it can seem like one of the most impossible things in the world.
JR's method of teaching often involves conversation from and among the congregation. (That's one of the cool things about Kairos--our church!) During this message, he asked us to talk with someone next to us and come up with 3 theological principles or Christian practices that assist us in forgiving a person.
My first thought was about the parable of the unmerciful servant (as recorded in Matthew 18:21-35). It's always a reality check to consider how much have been forgiven, and to reflect on the necessity of passing along that mercy.
As the conversation continued, I mulled over another answer. It was a concept that has been in the back of my mind for some time now, but which I don't think I ever openly discussed before. Once I had spoken about it to another person, I sort of took a mental step back and thought, "Wow...yeah." The enormity and the challenge of it hit me, along with the irony that I had introduced the line of thought by explaining the end result--the more I felt stuck in the concept, the more I needed to take my own advice! Maybe I should explain...

My dad remains an enigma to me to this day. He and my mom divorced when I was two. He remarried six months later and still seems happily so. While he remained geographically close to my brother and me (even at the same church and in the same town for years), he grew apart from us relationally. My memories of my dad when I was a kid are mostly positive, though few. I haven't spoken with him directly in almost ten years now.
When the subject of forgiveness comes up, my thoughts always turn to him. Honestly, it's a constant wrestling match. Sometimes I won't think or speak of him for months, and then my subconscious will pop him into a dream that leaves me feeling crummy. Sometimes I feel God's grace and mercy for him, and feel ok about my forgiveness quotient. Other times, I feel angry and bitter...and even worse when I reflect on the fact that I shouldn't be feeling thusly.

This new thought/understanding I gained yesterday though is less about my biological father, and more about my Heavenly one.
When someone wrongs me, I've realized there's a part of my heart that feels angry at God. Maybe that's not a newsflash for you... But what am I angry about? The answer, I think, is that I don't have someone protecting me like a father would.
Granted, I realize that my concept of good father-daughter relationships might be a tad romanticized, but I don't think I'm too far off... Girls who grow up with caring, loving fathers experience a certain sense of safety and confidence that those without do not. They know they have an advocate who will stand up for them, provide for them, love them as they are... Teenage girls might get frustrated with protective dads who put the 'fear of God' into their boyfriends, but those boys realize in the process that if they treat their girlfriends badly, there'll be someone to answer to.
As a girl who grew up primarily without a dad, life seems a bit more tedious. I learned at a young age to watch my own back--that sort of constant vigilance can be wearisome. I also learned to carry my own load--my mom was overloaded as it was, and so I tried to count on no one but myself. When life gets tough, some women are never too old to cry on their dad's shoulder. I learned how to swallow my tears and keep on marching.

About two years ago, I first encountered the principle that as an individual, you teach other people how to treat you. Survival tactics one learns as a child have a way of coming around full circle and sinking the boat in one's adult life.
So...when something happens wherein I feel wronged by another human, I often feel the pain of being 'fatherless' all over again. I can catch myself thinking somewhere in the corner of my mind, "This person wouldn't treat me this way if I had a real dad!" So much for personal responsibility, huh?
In my own life, I feel even more vulnerable because it seems like God has a way of calling me out of 'safe' situations and more into the fire where I'm apt to be hurt. Maybe He's trying to teach me a lesson... Or...maybe I'm just a baby...

Back to how TO forgive though. This was my revelation then--that part of my challenge in forgiving was that I was angry at God for His lack of protection.
But wait--how could that be?! God makes many promises in His word about how He will protect His children! Furthermore, in Psalm 68:5, God is called "a Father to the Fatherless."
I think this boils down to a faith struggle again. Will I believe that God's hand of protection is over me even when I feel like I'm being thrown to the wolves? When I can't help myself--or even trust myself--will I lean on God? Will I even let members of the Body of Christ be His "hands and feet" to me--accept fatherly advice, concern, provision, encouragement, etc. or insist on shouldering my load alone? Will I believe in God's overflowing and unconditional love even when another person makes me feel like a complete loser/total jerk?

Psalm 68:6: "God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sunscorched land."
Isaiah 54:10: "'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken...' says the LORD who has compassion on you."

Forgiveness is a perpetual battle. My strategy for victory is for my will to plant its feet on the side of faith, and trust that in time my heart will follow suit.

Lovely Lefse!

This is just a short post as I tried to post something from this computer last night and it froze up on me...I'm attempting to do another post sans pic, and then maybe add something pretty to look at later.

So a number of weeks ago I got a craving. Honestly I got several cravings, but the one we'll talk about now is of that for a chunk of lefse.
For those of you not from the midwest and/or with no clue as to what lefse is, I will briefly explain.
Lefse is a traditional bit of Scandanavia (i.e. deriving from Norway or Sweden...maybe Finland too?) scrumptiousness that is essentially like a tortilla made from potatoes. My grandma Ramsey, a Norweigan to the core, has done an excellent job of ensuring this fine appetizer of being present at virtually every holiday meal I can remember (last 5 years or so notwithstanding).
Different people have different ways of eating their lefse, but I'm a pretty simple girl...slather some butter (or buttery substitute) on it, roll it up, and chomp happily away.
It's so good (especially if it's soft and fresh), that I could eat mounds of it!

Of course, one must realize that in an urban jungle like Los Angeles, this is one staple that is not in high demand. I imagine that *somewhere* in this city it could be found, but the basic grocery stores aren't going to carry it, I doubt I could find it in a Latin, Asian, or Armenian shop, and I really don't have the determination to hunt for Little Scandanavia among the sidestreets of LA county...odds are if it exists, it's probably somewhere in the middle of Compton.

So then, friends, imagine my utter delight, when I got a call from my pal Kim F. today wherein she disclosed that she had a small package of the blissful potato bread that had traveled safely back to LA with her (from her visit to Minnesota for the holiday), and was going to ensure I got it by days end.
Some people just have "Saint" written all over them.
:)

And oh my--did it ever hit the spot! Yum, Yum, and Yum! Buggins--the dog I am currently dog sitting--was a bit miffed that I wouldn't share with him, but I gave him an earful of commentary anyway. And I saved a bit for tomorrow.
Huzzah!
Merry Christmas, Kristie.

Check back in a week

Sorry I've been negligent friends...
Lots going on, and not much computer time in there.
But next week I'm going to be dogsitting for a few days, and will have a chance to use the computer at the place.
As it is, I'm on my last 2 minutes at the library. Eek!
Merry Christmas to you all in the meantime...go see The Nativity Story!

God Writing #33: House of the Rising Son?

Yes, after a long pause, I have a few minutes to type up another one...


10/16/06

I heard a message once wherein the pastors mentioned whatever way a person is spiritually geared, they will see those themes reflected in any passage of scripture. If someone has a gift for Evangelism, God's word will confirm and speak to them about it. If someone is slanted towards pastoral (or as it would be known at Kairos, 'Soul Healing') things, they would see pastoral direction. And so on...
One theme that God has spoken to me about over the years is that of 'building'. When I was in high school, the LORD put it on my heart to memorize 1 Chronicles 28:10--"'Consider now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong and do the work.'"
At the time, I didn't quite understand why I was so attracted to the verse. In its original context, God is speaking to Solomon--David's son--and Solomon goes on to build essentially the most magnificent temple ever.
There are pages of scripture that describe the architecture of the place. Frankly, I find the details to be anything but rivetting. I'm not into architecture in the slightest. So, being confused about how I could be drawn to a verse about the temple, I first focused on the second part of the passage: "'Be strong and do the work.'"
As the years went by, and God has given me more understanding, the 'temple' mystery became clearer. Here are some verses that explain a bit more...
1 Corinthians 3:16: "Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?"
2 Corinthians 6:16: "What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said, 'I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.'"
1 Peter 2:5: "...you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ."
Ephesians 2:19-22: "Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."
In case these verses aren't as black and white to you as they are to me, let me say it clearly. The 'temple' God lives in now is not an actual building. Rather the 'temple' is the whole Christian church--the people who comprise it.
Then our church bodies, I think, are like mini temples. One group could be like the Right Wing, another group the vestibule (do temples have vestibules?), another group the altar area, etc. We all fit together like one big puzzle, but we also have our microcosms to fit into as well.

When I first moved to Los Angeles four years ago, I was leaving my microcosm of The Rock--a GCM church in Minneapolis. Three or four other Rock-ers came out here too. We joined with a bigger group of people that came out from a GCM church in Virginia (NLCF). There were also a few miscellaneous people from places like Washington, New Mexico, and Missouri.
For me, the change of going from 1)a thriving church body of around 500 to 2)a new churchplant that started with 14 adults was quite a shock. I missed the friends I had left. I missed the culture too. But the vision--at least my version of it--was to take what was great about The Rock and bring it to this new GCM church in LA.
Back then, while reading through the book of Ezra in my One Year Bible, I came across a passage that really touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes.
Ezra 3:10-13: "When the builders laid the foundation of the temple of the LORD, the priests in their vestments and with trumpets, and the Levites (the sons of Asaph) with cymbals, took their places to praise the LORD, as prescribed by David King of Israel. With praise and thanksgiving they sang to the LORD: 'He is good; his love to Israel endures forever.' And all the people gave a great shout of praise to the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid. But many of the older priests and Levites and family heads, who had seen the former temple, wept aloud when they saw the foundation of this temple being laid, while many others shouted for joy. No one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise. And the sound was heard far away."

Moving from one part of God's temple to another can really feel like that--the joy and promise of something new is wrapped tightly together with the sorrow and grief of leaving the old.

Last week I had the privelege of attending a 'Leadership Community' meeting for the Kairos Eastside church. (At the end of the month, Kairos is 'birthing' a Westside Church plant.) JR, our pastor, invited a guy named Greg Christman to speak for a few minutes at the end of our time together.
Greg talked about his past efforts in support-raising. He, unlike me, has a passion for buildings, and was excited to share with his supporters the desire he had to build a church building for Kairos. One supporter encouraged him to build into people instead of structures.
Greg also spoke about the first Christian church in Antioch, and how this group of various 'no-names' became a part of something so amazing in the course of history. He went on to encourage us to build into each other as our new church family--regardless of what former family we came from.

God's kingdom and His temple are ever-expanding. He needs people willing to invest their time in building on additions and wings and even doing renovations; people who are strong and willing to 'do the work.' I am glad he has invited me to be a part of this team.
What's his calling for you...?

---------------
Postscript: A few weeks after writing this, I was having a conversation with my friend Andrew about the topic. I had a slight revelation that made me smile, and which I think is fitting to include in this post. In a nutshell, I told Andrew that I feel like maybe God has called me to build bridges within his body (from one group to another). What brought a grin to my face after saying this was the realization of God's plan...how can it be any coincidence that my brother Kurt's current profession is constructing actual bridges?