Excerpt from Johnny Cash's Autobiography

My friend Scott (aka Spot) gave me this book for a Christmas present last year, and I've been gradually working my way through it. It's an excellent read! I can really relate to Cash in a lot of ways, but I won't get into that right now.
Anyway!
There's a couple of pages I read recently that I really thought I'd like to put up on my blog. I'll do one part now, and one part later.
Here's the excerpt for this go-round...

Theologically, June and I are on even ground, but she's a prayer warrior and I'm not. She's so good at it, in fact, that sometimes I catch myself thinking that, well, maybe I don't have to pray, because she's praying for me. Which of course is not a healthy idea and domonstrates one of the reasons she needs to pray so hard for me.
Always, though, the first thing I say when I get up in the morning, whether or not June's with me, before my feet hit the floor, is "Good Morning, Lord." Then, by the time I'm on my feet, I say, "Praise God." I know that's not much--it's not the prayer Jesus taught us--but it's my way of establishing immediate contact with my Creator. At some time during the day I usually manage to recite the Lord's Prayer, if only to myself, silently.

God Writing #29: Tulip Times

9/8/06

Last winter I attended this big Youth Workers' conference at Willow Creek Church near Chicago. Among the many speakers was an author named Gordon MacDonald (I think that's right!) who spoke to the group of us with a sincerity that touched many hearts.
He shared a story about a time when his daughter was a teenager. She found herself struggling with the decision of where she should attend high school.
One evening he decided to have a heart-to-heart with her. Wanting to offer her some fatherly wisdom and love, and yet wanting to respect her right to make this important decision for herself, he opened with a question to her.
"Are you an Oak tree or a Tulip?"
She must have shot him a bewildered glance, so he went on. "Look out the window. Do you see the oak tree in the front yard? It's so tall and strong. Now look at the tulip a few feet away from it. The fragile flower can barely hold itself up--it needs a little fence around it to protect it from the elements."
He went on to liken the two varied forms of plantlife with different spiritual and emotional states. He explained to his daughter that if she felt like an oak tree, he would be happy to keep his distance and let her be strong. But if she was feeling like a tulip, he was ready to come alongside of her and protect and guide her the best that he could...
The question--Are you an Oak Tree or a Tulip?--has stuck with me since.

There have been plenty of times I've definitely felt like the oak tree--including my time at the conference when I first heard this story.
Of course I probably wouldn't be writing this if I was feeling oak-treeish currently...So that leaves the tulip. And yes, right now, I'm definitely a tulip.

There is a strange sort of relationship between strength and weakness, as The Bible portrays it. Logic tells us that being weak brings us to the bottom of the totem pole. It only makes sense. When I'm feeling weak, I can barely hold myself together, let alone minister to others. I wish I could just go hide in a cave for a week, until my hard shell grows back or something...
But once again, God's word seems to indicate that such human reasoning is precisely backwards from reality.
The Lord says to Paul, "'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" (2 Corinithians 12:9) This leads Paul to go so far as to proclaim what seems to be a major oxymoron: "For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:10)
That's a principle I find easier to recite than to fully comprehend.
Maybe one of the factors in the benefit of weakness is that it allows others to serve us. Last weekend I moved. I'm used to trying to get everything done on my own--basically, I try to be self-sufficient. That doesn't work so well in Christianity. I might do an entire entry about this in the future... Though it was hard to do, (for this move) I accepted the help of Kim F. from my canvas group. In the end, I was so blessed by her service.

As I've been skimming though my Bible, I've noticed another thing about what God has to say regarding weakness: He promises to strengthen us through it.
Isaiah 40:29 proclaims, "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak..."
In the second half of Isaiah 41:10, He promises, "I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righeous right hand."
2 Chronicles 16:9a also states, "For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him..."

Even more so, God offers Himself as our strength:
"The LORD is my strength and my song..."--Exodus 15:2
"The LORD is my strength and my shield...my heart trusts in him, and I am helped..."--Psalm 28:7
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble..."--Psalm 46:1
"...for the joy of the LORD is your strength."--Nehemiah 8:10

Knowing and meditating on these promises might not immediately resolve my tulip-state, but they do seem to be that 'light at the end of the tunnel.'
I was reminded by a footnote in my Bible today of the words in Isaiah that Jesus proclaims as he begins his ministry. In light of what's on my mind/heart, these words seem to hold extra-significance to me today...
Isaiah 61:1-4:
"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has annointed me to preach good news to the poor. He sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called Oaks of Righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations..."

More soon!

Hey Readers!
Sorry for the delay--I've had a marathon weekend (meaning busy-busy-busy!).
Next God writing will be up as soon as possible.
Thanks for your patience, and please don't give up on me yet! ;)

Ok, God Writing is a go! Thanks for your patience, friends...

D'oh!

Ok, so the latest posted God-writing is a bit of a shambles...I'll get the rest of it up properly soon.
See, I've tried posting it a few different times now.
3 times it seemed that the pic didn't appear, so I logged on today, ready to insert the pic and be done with the thing.
Then I noticed that the post was already up...and I erroneously thought it was fully posted. Strange-weird computer problems.
So I didn't double check and I deleted two of the three versions...only to find the one I kept was only a partial entry.
D'oh!
And my journal with the original is about 10 miles away back in my apartment right now.
And the email I had copied the post to when I thought it hadn't got published, I deleted last night.

So, all this to say, please excuse my haphazardness...in the next day or two, it should be fully viewable.

While I'm giving you a quick update, I might as well throw in a few other facts...
1)I'm leading my canvas group this Wednesday (like a small group from church), so any prayers would be appreciated.
2)While you're praying, maybe you could throw one in for Jasmine K. the daughter of a couple of missionaries I know from New Zealand. She's got some scary health issues going on right now back in New Zealand and her parents are both in Thailand. She's around college-aged, so I'm sure it's a stressful time for her.
3)I've been having some weird dreams lately. I could elaborate, but I'd probably confuse and/or scare some people in the process (my dreams lean toward the violent side), so I'll leave it at that.

God Writing #28: Some Thoughts on Giving

8/26/06

A few weeks ago at work, one of my coworkers mentioned his plan to visit Oregon for a few days in order to attend a friend's wedding. One of us asked him if he was flying out. He informed us that he was planning on hitchiking.
There are certain times in my life where the conscious Me seems to take a step backward and marvel at what the Me-on-Autopilot proceeds to say. This was one of those times.
"No!" I insisted, "Don't! Take a Greyhound or something!"
He chuckled and said he didn't have the money. Autopilot-Me then asked if he did have the money for a ticket, if he would indeed go Greyhound. He eventually agreed to this hypothetical situation and Autopilot-Me didn't miss a beat in saying, "Ok, I'll give you the money for it then."
The Cognitive-Me raised an eyebrow somewhere in the corner of my mind. "...You will?..."
Of course my coworker wasn't trying to mooch off of me or anything, so he began to put up a bit of resistance, saying he'd be fine.
Autopilot-Me got tough and vaguely referred to bad stories I've heard about hitchiking--it's true, I've heard some nasty stuff--and saying I didn't want him to risk it. I said I'd feel horrible if something g my piggybank to buy my classmates candybars I considered too expensive to buy for myself.
Since I've come back to California, I've been showered with the generosity of others. My friends S & V let me stay with them and use their 2nd car for as long as I needed to. My friend SG has given me his old car, as well as a serious chunk of cash to help me get established. Having received such blessings, how can I even think about not blessing others in turn?

Self-preservation can really bite a person in the butt though. When the checking account is running low, and bills are soon due, giving can feel downright painful. Many times I've given something simple (such as paying for a friend's meal) and it's felt like the definite right thing to do, but all the same, I think, "Ouch! Lord, this hurts!"
I think sacrificial giving is the greatest gift of all though--talk about an on-the-spot faith test. Often these instances seem to set off some sort of chain-reaction (or continue it) that brings an unexpected blessings back to me.
Sometimes it's monetary, sometimes it comes in a different currency.

I believe this observation fits with what Jesus says in Luke 6:38: "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed dow, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
Though giving doesn't seem to be addressed often in many churches, it is undeniably an essential component to following Christ/living our faith.
Romans 12:8 lists it with other spiritual gifts--"...if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously..."
Proverbs 21:26 mentions that "...the righteous give without sparing."
Jesus is credited in Acts 20:35 with the well-known maxim, "It's more blessed to give than to receive."
As Jesus sent out his twelve disciples, Matthew 10:8 records his instructions to them including, "Freely you have received, freely give." He probably wasn't talking about money, but the principle stands firm and can apply to a number of things.

Are you noticing the manner of giving? Freely, generously, without sparing...
Sacrificial giving can be painful, but if it's too much to give, it seems we're better off not doing it than being stingy in the process.
2 Corinthians 9:6-7: "Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

I confess that my attitude could use improvement. Some of my "Ouch God!"s could be amazing, "Thank you for this opportunity--please use it for your Glory!"s. I could be more generous. I could give all my cash to help a friend instead of holding back a portion for myself, "just in case."

My coworker made it to and from Oregon without a problem, and I was glad for that. With all the cool God-stories I've heard about people receiving exact amounts of money for a need, I really would have loved to be a part of such a story for someone else. But...it's my own fault. Ending result = Good, but not Incredible. When my second chance rolls around to try again, I pray I'll give all that I need to...and with a heart that rejoices at the chance!

God Writing #27: The World can be a Scary Place

8/12/06?

The scariest movie I've ever watched was The Ring. The imagery from the film stayed with me for a long time, and even as the ending credits rolled, I wished I could erase it all from my memory.
I returned home to an empty apartment. I felt so consumed by fear and dread that I simply could not sleep. Praying helped a little bit, but eventually I had to pull out my Bible. I was drawn to Psalm 121, and it was only after reading it over and over--and even out loud--that I found myself able to lay down.

"I lift my eyes up to the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip--
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you--
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm--
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore."

I was reminded of this psalm again this week when news hit that another horrific terrorist plot had been detected and stopped in England. Planes headed for major airports--Los Angeles included--had been targeted for detonation. Praise God that things didn't go down as planned.

The day before I heard the news, I was running along the beach [not far from LAX] when a dense fog set in. For all I knew, this could have been a common event, but I felt very uneasy. I felt led to pray for God's protection over us--on the beach, in the area, etc. I now wonder how many of God's people the Holy Spirit prompted to pray in this way...
It struck me too that due to the time difference between LA and London, a lot of this probably went down while we west-coasters were sleeping. How helpless and ignorant we can be...

But there is One who always holds vigil and is never caught unaware. I don't know that I can find words to express what a comfort it is to know that God promises to watch over me.
And not only me, but my loved ones too. My friends S & V spent almost a week in Mexico for a friend's wedding. They returned on a Tuesday. Two days later there was an earthquake (6.0) in the city they had been in. Another close call...

I know that very little is under my control when it comes to "protecting" my family and friends. However, being thousands of miles away from certain people seems to really emphasize the point.
This last week, one of my younger cousins had a mishap with a gun while he was setting up something for target practice. His hand was shot. Fortunately, there will be no lasting damage. Things could have been so much worse. Some would call him 'lucky'. I believe God was watching over him.

This week has seemed to offer the theme of God's protection. I probably only know a fraction of how many times in the space of 7 days that he kept me and those I care about from catastrophe. It can be a thankless job at times, I'm sure, but for now, my heart is filled with gratitude.
This world is a dangerous place. There is absolutely nothing I or anyone else can do to change that. But 'dangerous' and 'scary' don't have to be synonymous. As I trust my Heavenly Father, I increasingly find I need not fear.
"You are my hiding place;
You will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance."
--Psalm 32:7

The trouble with being an introvert...

Hello Faithful and Unfaithful readers alike! :)
Yes, it's me...your somewhat unpredictable blogging friend. To my dismay, my blogging opportunities have taken a nosedive, and thus you are being offered primarily God-Writings with little else to flavor the blog-plate of Bluezionite these days.
Have faith--with a little patience and persistance the world will return to normal, and I'll once again be able to steal your valuable free time by tricking you into reading my various thoughts on life...and such.
For now though, a simple offering/update.

Introvert/Extrovert.
Yes, I do tend to talk about this a lot...sorry, but it colors a lot of my world.
I am an introvert, see, and one of the things that makes this obvious is that I need alone time to recharge.
Cue the thread I'm about to embark upon.
Recharging is quite a challenge for me lately.
Ok, yes, I do have my own bedroom...and thank God for that, or I would be one miserable Kristie. I also have my own car, in which I can sing to whatever cd I want to, as loud as I want to, provided I don't mind people on the street thinking I'm a bit of a freak.
So, life is--at worst--bearable.
But I also have a job (which I do love for the most part) which requires me to interact with scads of people--coworkers and customers alike. Sometimes at my job, I have 3 people talking to me at once. Sometimes during my breaks, I cannot escape into a quiet corner because there are none...and thus time that I'd love to just chill ends up involving me listening to--sometimes even having to talk to--yes that's right, MORE PEOPLE. Ugh.
Another thing about recharging, is that when something stresses me out, it's like it steals a bit of my power reserve (assuming I operated the same way as a video game character). Moving has been a good, but way stressful thing, as it usually is. I lost my checkbook, and for about a month have had to deal with the rigamarole of getting things cleared up. Each time something new and frustrating would happen, one more bar of Kristie power would disappear.
I've also been trying to keep up with--i. e. be socially involved with--a number of people from work, church, and life. It's good and I'm glad I have options of who I want to spend time with! But...again...it's draining. Trying to spread my two days off a week evenly between getting stuff done for me and trying to hang out with people can become a bit of a headache as well.

When I was in high school, I joked with some of my friends about our common desire to run off and become hermits. Life has changed for me a lot since those days, but with my power reserve barely getting me by, the thought sometimes seems tempting. Please don't get offended if you are my friend and reading this (which would be most of you!). It's not that I don't want to have the number of friends and acquaintances I do (indeed I'm thankful for each!), it's just that sometimes the obligations and responsibilites of carrying so many make me feel like a tree branch that is about to snap.

And how do I recharge, friends? Honestly...what works best for me is laying in a dark room while listening to music. Does that sound scary? Hahaha. ;) Yes, well, if I did it all the time, it might be cause for concern. I usually end up multitasking, or just listening to a few songs off a cd between different errands. Sometimes though...I feel like I want to crawl into my own little cave and take a week's vacation.

I walked down the street to the post office the other day. It's about a 10-15 minute walk. I passed a lot of people, but didn't talk to anyone. It occurred to me that if I were an extrovert, I might find this sort errand to feel a bit lonely, and/or look for a way to interact with the passersby I was just...uh...passing by. But to me it felt like anything but. I had a song blaring in my head as I walked steadily along, and was thinking about a number of things I had to do. It was like I didn't even realize I was alone and had no one to talk to. Not a bit.

So all of this to say...sometimes I can be a not-so-ideal friend. Sometimes all I have to offer is 1/50th of my life to someone...a conversation here...a phonecall 3 weeks later...a Christmas card down the line. I guess that's just who I am. I think I'm ok with it, but I know it can be a disappointment to many others. Ah, life...

God Writing #26: Handling Criticism

8/5/06
When we close at the coffeeshop I work at, one of the daily duties includes closing down the patio area. At my Starbucks, we have two patio spots. The chairs and tables get stacked together, and then secured with a cable and a padlock, thereby preventing theft.
Last night, the key for the padlock couldn't be found. As shift supervisor, I made the call that we would bring all the patio furniture inside the store before leaving. This was something we used to do at a different Starbucks location where I worked a few years back. Even though there's only about a 3 hour window of time that employees aren't at the store, I figured that the odds were pretty good (in Hollywood) that if the patio pieces were left outside, something would disappear.
My coworkers were not very happy with me. They cooperated, but even as we left, I was warned that the opening shift supervisor would probably have some choice words for me upon her arrival.
I replied that I honestly didn't care. I know my Manager and assistant Store Manager well, and I was confident they would approve my decision. It wasn't my job to cater to the opinions or preferences of my coworkers, but rather to act in obedience and in good faith on behalf of my Manager.
As I ruminated on this, a couple of thoughts occurred to me...

First off, this experience serves as a real milestone to my personal growth. I've always been a bit of a people-pleaser. In the past, I may have made the same decision, but then fretted incessantly about the possibility that others would disagree with me and even resent me for it. Last night, I was not troubled at all.

The second thought was how well this can serve as a spiritual parallel.
Back in confirmation, I learned and held to to the verse Acts 5:29: "...We must obey God rather than men!" That was a good first step...but as already noted, sometimes one's heart is not as confident as one's mind.
When I attended The Rock in Minneapolis, I remember listening intently when Pastor Mark Darling would speak about 'living for an audience of one'. In other words, the reactions of people around you were not worth comparing to the Heavenly applause of our Lord as we choose to follow Him (in any number of everyday choices)...
This concept has been priceless to me. Though the seed was planted in my life almost six years ago now, I feel like maybe I'm just finally seeing the harvest coming in. [Again, I'm speaking in terms of my heart coming to believe/stand firm on something my mind has known for a much longer time.]
One passage that has really helped bring this home to me is 1 Thessalonians 2:4b-6a: "We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts. You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed--God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else."
I have leaned on this verse--read, re-read, and recited it--numerous times in the past years whenever I've received criticism (from Christians and non-Christians alike) and my sensitive soul felt it couldn't endure.
Life is never so bad that everyone is against me, but even if I did one day find myself in such a situation, this passage gives me strength and proper focus.

Galatians 1:10 is quite similar: "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

People can mean well, but they still come at life from their limited viewpoint.
"There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to death."--Proverbs 14:12
"He then began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again. He spoke plainly about this, and Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter.
'Get behind me, Satan!' he said. 'You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.'"--Mark 8:31-33

In life you may hear voices criticizing you for steps of faith you've taken--where you decide to live, what job you hold, what you drive, how you spend your money, how you spend your time, who you hang out with, how you serve God, the clothes you wear, what you eat, what you say, etc. But, if we fix our attention on the 'voice' of God speaking to us, then all the other 'voices' fade into background drone--even our own!
Consider this--in John 5:30, Jesus says, "...for I seek not to please myself but Him who sent me." If Jesus--God's own Son--chose to listen to his Father's voice over even his own, how much more should we sinful, and often ignorant creatures submit solely to the requests and direction of our Heavenly Father!