My Horrible Sense of Direction

[Try googling an image on this subject! I lifted this pic from http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/3423691.stm which is an interesting story from 2004 about how pigeons--renowned for their sense of direction--have been horribly confused thanks to cell phone signals and such...]

When I was about 10 or 11, I got a cheap button out of a quarter vending machine that featured a cartoon guy with his arms twisted up and the motto, "Don't follow me, I'm lost!"
Now please, don't harbor suspicions that this carries over metaphorically to the deeper sides of my life, but as a general rule of thumb, it's right on.
I was born with a broken internal compass...but no refunds as of yet!

Seriously...this is one of those 'weaknesses' in my life that always seems to get me. I simply cannot master it. When my gut tells me to turn left, I should have turned right. When I employ all available logic and decide to turn right, I should have turned left. And so it shalll probably be until the day I die.
My best mode of conquering navigation is to have buffer time built into my schedule and blunder around until I figure things out. Me and maps work well together if I can pull out the map and look at it every few minutes...driving, that's not always workable, but walking--I'm set!

So yesterday was another misadventure in directions. I drove into Hollywood early to meet a couple of friends for lunch. I had planned to beat them there, but took a route that took me about an hour when I thought it'd be more like 40 minutes....argh! We were meeting at Hollywood and Highland--a touristy mall sort of place. After I got myself parked (featuring a turn into the vallet parking area and then coming back out before I got reprimanded), I scurried around trying to find the main fountain at the place. I went up and down a few flights of stairs, eventually reaching my destination, but I'm embarrassed to tell you how long it took.
What's worse is how long it took me to get BACK to parking after lunch. My friends headed to Universal Studios, so I had more free time on my hands than I had intended. I almost went to see Nacho Libre, but it was about 15 minutes too long for me to squeeze in...so I got a smoothie and a cookie and sat for 10-15 minutes. Then I decided to go grab my work pants out of my car, change in a bathroom, and then head into work...like an hour early.
After I finally found my car (which involved walking around the mall area a couple of times, consulting maps, and using all the logic I could muster), changed, and made it back out to the car again (which took longer when I turned the wrong way from the escalator and had to then reorient myself), I was ready to roll.
I exited onto a somewhat unfamiliar street, and by the first light I realized I was going the wrong way. So I turned onto Franklin...a street that runs parallel with Hollywood Blvd and is well-liked for faster travel times. What I didn't realize, is that at some point Franklin takes a sharp turn and if you're in the left lane, you get back on Highland. What I also didn't realize is that not countering this circumstance quickly enough (ie driving ahead in the left lane) will quickly usher you onto the 101 Freeway heading North. Not good!
So I ended up driving to Universal City before I could exit and turn around. Once I did get off the 101, I saw signs to get back on going South...but managed to miss the ramps twice. Ugh!
After I finally got my behind South a few miles and exited onto Vermont (like I always do, but from the opposite direction) I turned the wrong way and had to whip around again!
When I punched in to work finally, I was right on the dot...not a minute early.

Then leaving tonight, I gave my coworkers rides and then headed back to Starbucks, and down what I thought was Vermont. After a while I realized I wasn't seeing the familiar sights, and I noticed the signs said Sunset. What's frustrating is that while a big part of Sunset Blvd I *do* know, as it runs parallel to Hollywood Blvd and Santa Monica Blvd, when you get far enough East, the roads start to converge at weird angles and parallel roads intersect...so that befuddles me completely. Ugh!

The happy end to the story is that I got home, and at a little after 2 am I'm ready to brush my teeth and hit the hay.
The other sentiment of the story though is that as this is a heck of a big city I'm navigating these days, odds are this is the beginning of a long line of frustrating directional mishaps. ...why can't I just download a map into my brain?! Ugh!

KR Recommends: Fiona Apple--Extraordinary Machine

http://www.fiona-apple.com/
I admit, I've looked up to Fiona Apple ever since hearing "Criminal" years ago, and also seeing her uncouth awards acceptance speech (for an MTV award? or a grammy? I forget) where she completely verbally trashed herself. People talked. They thought she was anorexic. They thought she was mental. I thought she was brave and talented...but I have yet to listen to that first album...maybe one day.
A couple of years later when she released her "When the Pawn..." album which probably holds the record for longest album title EVER, I caught a few different videos on MTV2 (back in the good old days when they played music videso...yes, that's mtv2, succumbing to the crummy programming of its predecessor in much less time) and was hooked. Fiona's got Girl Power wrapped up in melodic punches, fo' sho. I'll admit that not every single song on the album got two thumbs up from me, but "Paper Bag" and "Fast as You Can" sure made up for it. I leant the album out to a co-worker before leaving California a few years back, and ended up telling her to just keep it when she forget to return it to me before my moving date arrived.
Blah-Blah-Blah, you're all thinking. What of it?

Well, I was keenly interested when I heard a new Fiona Apple album was rising up from the sea of obscurity--thanks mostly to her adamant fans who kept pressuring the record company to "Free Fiona" (something about red tape or whatever...).
Thanks to a deal offered by BMG Music Service a couple of months back, a copy of Extraordinary Machine soon came to be in my possession. And wow. LOVE IT.
What makes me most happy about the whole deal is that you can easily discern Fiona's growing maturity. She still packs a punch, but it's lost the melodramatic angst of those growing years, and instead offers a reflective wisdom that is easily introspective without a hint of self-pity.

While I was hitching a ride cross-country with my semi-driving pal Jamin, I threw this cd in for a rotation. Jamin, who knows a lot of technical stuff about music, told me that the way Fiona was singing in a few songs was extremely difficult. He proceeded to educate me how so, but admittedly, the file never got transferred to my long term memory.

Fiona's music has elements of jazz (standing out in my music collection as I'm not a big jazz fan), but she still rocks too. Her vocals can be reminiscent of Judy Garland or Patty Smith depending on what mood she's trying to put forth. (Disclaimer: don't yell at me if you disagree--I'm only offering my opinion.) Her lyrics can be simple or poetic. The album brings you on an emotional ride of determined happiness, painful heartache, wistfulness, regret, and even hopefulness and acceptance.
Do yourself a favor, and have a listen!

A few standout lyrics:
*"Be kind to me, or treat me mean/I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine"
*"But I'm good at being uncomfortable so I can't help changing all the time..."
*"So why did I kiss him so hard late last Friday night?...I might be so sick in the head I need to be bled dry to quit. Or I just really used to love him--I sure hope that's it."
*"...and you looked as sincere as a dog...just as sincere as a dog does when it's the food on your lips with which it's in love..."
*"Oh you silly, stupid past time of mine...and from the first to the last times the signs said stop, but we went on whole hearted/it ended bad, but I love what we started..."
*"What wasted unconditional love on somebody who doesn't believe in the stuff..."
*"This is not about love, cuz I am not in love--in fact I can't stop falling out...I miss that stupid ache."
*"If you don't have a date, Celebrate/Go out and sit on the lawn and do nothing..."

Static

Today I have off of work.
Nice, right?
Wrong.
Not that it's horrible or anything, but I'm just finding myself in that space where I feel like I'm wasting my time. I did my laundry and ironing, went to my storage space, arranged my stuff a bit better...but even with music on it's like what I'm hearing most is silence.
It's a weird, sort of dead-air frame of being.
It's not like I'm in anguish or anything, or bored really...just more like I have little to nothing to say...and though I'd enjoy getting together with people, I can't seem to kick up any motivation to do so.
I'd kind of like to go for a run along the beach, but my foot is still reminding me it's probably not a good idea...so for now I wait...at least until tomorrow--my other day off.
Waiting.
I've never liked to wait.
But maybe I'm getting better at it.
I kind of feel like if I don't dig my heels into something fast, I'm going to get blown way off course, and have a lot of distance to make up for in the end.
But what can you do?
My hands are letting go, so I'm at the mercy of the current or the jet stream...
Maybe that's faith...having that on-the-edge feeling and knowing that left to your own devices you'd simply totter off, but trusting God to show up somewhere along the way.
Sorry if that's really vague and off-kilter. But that's how I feel today.
May God watch over all of you, my friends.

God Writing #14:"I once was lost, but now am found--was blind, but now I see"

[Googled pic from a website called www.anglicanbeads.com or something like that]
Yes, I decided to not jump offline quite yet, afterall!

5/5/06
About a year ago, when I was still attending The Rock, my small group had one of the greatest discussions ever. Our leaders asked us to consider which of Jesus' miracles was our favorite.
I'll admit that the whole walking on water thing was first to cross my mind. How cool it must've been to see Jesus defy the very laws of physics.
But soon that was mentioned, and rather than just agreeing, I decided to dig deeper. That's when I remembered the story of Bartimaeus. Soon it was my turn to speak, and as I related the tale, an unexpected wave of emotion hit me--tears welled up in my eyes and my voice threatenend to break as I repeated Bartimaeus' words to Jesus: "'Son of David, have mercy on me!'"

Mark 10:46-52: "Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (that is, the Son of Timaeus), was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, 'Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!'
Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, 'Son of David, have mercy on me!'
Jesus stopped and said, 'Call him.'
So they called to the blind man, 'Cheer up! On your feet! He's calling you.' Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.
'What do you want me to do for you?' Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, 'Rabbi, I want to see.'
'Go,' said Jesus, 'Your faith has healed you. 'Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road."

There are so many things that I love about this story.
First off, Bartimaeus is mentioned by name. How many beggars do you know by name? When I lived in Hollywood, I came across countless people begging for money. I knew one person's name, and that's because she came into Starbucks all the time. The common thing to do is to look through these people....many passerbys ignore them completely. Being recognized as a human is enough of a struggle for the douwn and out, much less being known by name.

Now Jesus was just passing through, and even at that he had one heck of an entourage with him. Bartimaeus was simply sitting by the side of the road when the assembly began to walk by. I would venture to guess that Jesus was somewhere in the middle, and everyone else was crowded around him. That's not the most inviting atmosphere..."so close, yet so far away." I imagine it might be akin to a general admission concert...you're at the back of the venue and the performers are on stage. You might be close enough to see them, but a sea of humanity separates you. Just try to shout "hello" or get the performers' attention....odds are your efforts will be swallowed up by the buffer in between.

But Bartimaeus was not easily disuaded. Upon hearing that it was Jesus of Nazareth passing by, something in his heart leapt! Jesus' reputation surely must have preceeded him. Bartimaeus was not going to sit idly and let life pass him by--he was set to carpe diem.
So he plucked up his courage, and shouted with everything he had--"Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"

It's interesting to me that he invoked Jesus' lineage. Perhaps Bartimaeus could claim David as an ancestor as well and thought the familial tie would give him extra leverage. Or perhaps he was alluding to knowing who Jesus really was...Son of David, true Messiah, King of Kings.
His simple plea was also steeped in humility. He was not trying to impress Jesus, or trick him into something with a smooth sales pitch. Rather, Bartimaeus recognized he was lacking--whether merely his sight or his soul too--and that this man was the One who could help him.

The crowd was certainly not impressed. Hearing this 'undesirable's' heartfelt shouts, they wasted no time in shushing him.
"Be Quiet!"
"Don't bother the Teacher."
"Quiet Fool, can't you see he's busy?!"
"Shut up!"
"Stop it--he's got no time for you!"
It's easy to imagine the varied comments...their common thread being only harsh unkindness.

What would you have done in this situation? Perhaps apologized for causing a scene? Shout back at the crowd that they could be the ones to shut up--or better yet, shove it? Bite back tears as your cheeks flushed with embarrassment? Turned on Jesus for being so self-important that he didn't have time for the poor man anymore? Chided yourself for being so foolish as to think he'd actually hear you anyway?

Bartimaeus' response challenges me to the core. He paid no attention to the crowd. Rather, he gathered all his strength and shouted LOUDER, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" Can you hear the desperation in his voice? All stops were pulled out for this. His very life depended on Jesus' answer. Bartimaeus kept on shouting.
And Jesus heard him. He stopped in his tracks. Did he smile at Bartimaeus' perseverance? He simply, and calmly said to those around him, "Call him."

We see the fickleness of mob mentality in action as the very people rebuking Bartimaeus minutes before, now encourage him to "Cheer up!"
"He's calling you," they say. I don't know how the original Greek works with this, but in English we have a very significant double-meaning here. On the basic level, we see Jesus calling Bartimaeus to approach him. But on a deepr level, could this passage also mean that Jesus is calling Bartimaeus into a relationship with the LORD--calling him to salvation?

Bartimaeus' reaction is yet again inspirational. He does not need to be invited twice. Despite the fact that 1)he's blind and 2)he's a beggar, he tosses aside his cloak and leaps to his feet! I would think a blind, poor man would be a bit more cautious--rise to his feet carefully, and keep hold to one of the few things he owned. But Jesus was calling him! Surely Bartimaeus' reaction reveals his heart--nothing on earth compares! Jesus' call is liberation. Like a man being loosed from the shackles of prison, Bartimaeus runs forward without a second thought.

I wonder also at the double meaning of Bartimaeus' request--again, at least in our English language. Jesus asks Bartimaeus, "What do you want me to do for you?" and he answers, "Rabbi, I want to see."
Obviously Bartimaeus, being blind, is probably asking for the restoration of his physical sight. But is there a greater depth to his request? Was his request also spiritual in nature? Crying out for wisdom and understanding? I'm reminded of the song, "Open the Eyes of My Heart"..."Lord, I want to see you."

With a word from the Master, the act is completed. Jesus commends Bartimaeus' faith, and we're told he immediately receives his sight. And if there was a spiritual element to Bartimaeus' request, we have a hint that it was also fulfilled. Bartimaeus is healed, but does not just say "Thanks!" and run off to find himself a job, report to his family, or show off to the people who may've shown him disdain during his days of begging. Instead, Bartimaeus does not hesitate to follow Jesus...and I believe the road stretched on into eternity.

One day when I'm in heaven, I would like to seek Bartimaeus out and give him a hug. His example of faith and his joyous response to the call of Jesus are a legacy that have endured through the centuries.
I have been blessed with suffering no physical handicaps, and enough money to support myself. But in my heart of hearts, I know that my soul is as destitute as Bartimaeus was...I know that unless I cry out to Jesus for mercy as Bartimaeus did, I am lost. Unless I brave the crowd telling me to be quiet, I will never truly be set free. And unless I run to Jesus with the same wild abandon of this poor beggar, I have not properly received Him.

My heart is filled with thankfulness that Jesus has heard me, and called me too. And along with my brother who lived two thousand years before me, I will follow my King down the road...

It's Friday night...do you know where your mind is?

Well friends, yes...two posts in one day--I guess I'm back in business!
S and V are away for the weekend...I only worked until 6 pm and I have tomorrow off, so that leaves me with lots of time to chill and such...
So why not throw another post up, eh?
I promise to keep it random.

I'm listening to the radio as I'm driving V's car now. I saw a billboard for 98.7--"today's alternative" so I fixed the dial upon it. In short order I remembered how bad the radio in LA is. As in, you'd think the station only had a list of 10 songs to play. You hear a song, you hear commercials the length of a song, you hear a song, commericals, song, commercials, song # 1 again, commercials... Serious, people, it's a travesty! Oh how I pine for Drive 105! Or Jack Fm even...hmmm...that makes me think...as Jack is a station controlled by AOL, odds are I could find it here if I did some investigative work... But even Cities '97 and KS '95 put Star'98.7 to shame.
I'm telling you!
Yesterday I heard KT Tunstall's "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" about 5 times. Then there was The Killers' "Mr. Bright Side". A new tune--Theory of a Dead Man's "Santa Monica" was thrown in too, as well as SemiSonic's "Closing Time", but that was like 80% of the playlist yesterday! How can people stand it?!!!

Speaking of songs, my friend Sara had a post on her livejournal site about a fun idea to take song lyrics to google's Translate...tranlate them from French to German and then back to English and see what they say!
My pick didn't turn out the best, but here are a few lines (minus the giveaway chorus). Do you know what song it is???
"It has there from liberty in inside to try there liberty outside... it gives a battle forward, many battles is lost, but you will never see the end of the road, while you travel with me...I to tow my motor vehicle, it give a hole in the roof my possesions cause me the suspicion, but there is no proof/ in the paper today, of the war and loss narrations, but you turn on the right of more than toward the page TV…I to go still, at knocking a drum, and I count the stages at the door of your heart. To know shade only the roof forward to hardly set free the feeling of release, and in order to release…"

In other news, it's been a bit foggy the last few nights here. I've experienced a strange phenomenon where the telephone poll across the street crackles with electricity when the air is moist. The first night I was really concerned, but S assured me it was normal.

Starbucks is going well. One of the coolest things about working in a coffee shop (especially Starbucks) is that you have so much opportunity to meet people--coworkers and customers. Starbucks-es in LA are also incredibly diverse, which I love. I'll probably go into more detail on that later...
My 'retraining' has been sort of a joke in that I've more been thrown into things and asked to 'wing it'. Of course, with my by the book personality, I find it necessary to ask lots of questions and read up on the manuals too. It's only been 2 weeks back at the Bux, but it feels very comfortable, like it's been longer.
On the flip side, I find it somewhat interesting that of all the people in Minnesota and Wisconsin I could be missing right now (and make no mistake--I deeply care about all of you!), the group that has been popping into my heart the most are my friends from my previous job with ACR Homes--both the residents and my fellow coworkers at the House. I'm not really in contact with anyone there--at least not yet--so that might be part of the problem...but yeah...I miss them and wonder how things are going for them.

I guess I'll leave it at that tonight. Yay for June 23, 2006...I'm happy to be in Los Angeles, and I've got nothing but love for everyone I can think of! :)

Happy 30th Birthday Foxx!! and added feature--strange dream

[This photo is a googled one from a guy named Steve Pinker...didn't see a copyright on the page so I'm hoping it's ok that I use it!]

My friend Foxx turns 30 today! What a milestone. What's more, she should win an award for her positive attitude! I was roused from sleep this morning when she called me to say (this I gleaned from a voicemail) how happy and excited she was to finally delve into Decade # 3! Wow, how great! :) Forget all the woe and embarrassment of aging, Foxx counts it a privellege!

And on a slightly related note, I was having a pretty bizarre dream about the time she called. I've been in a stretch where my dreams haven't been so pleasant lately. This one was super-realistic, and when I woke up, I was relieved to find it wasn't true.
So...how to explain this...it was like I was seeking help because I had injured myself.
I had been half-asleep or something (though fully asleep as this was a dream!) and decided for whatever reason to break my left index finger. It didn't hurt, really. Then I proceeded to take a knife and cut the tip of it almost completely off. Yeah, crazy!
At this point it still didn't hurt, really, but I was also digging my right thumbnail into the base of the finger to try to prevent pain. I also snapped out of my haze and thought, "What the heck am I doing?!"
So I was trying to track down this Pastor (Pastor Ed for those of you in-the-know) to get his opinion both on what I should do, and why I had done this to myself in the first place. He was kind of busy, and though he listened to me, he didn't really have to time to talk much with me further. He offered me a couple of bandaids, and I slapped them on to tape my dangling fingertip into place.
Then I started thinking that I should probably seek medical attention...but I didn't think I could drive myself to the hospital, so I was trying to find someone who would.
My mom was around, and willing, but then we realized it was like 10 pm on a Friday. In my dream, she was taking part in this intensive recovery sort of program, and couldn't leave the premises of where she was staying until Monday morning. I didn't want to wait two days, and I was increasingly worried about if the surgery to get my fingertip back on properly would be successful or not.
I woke up thinking about stitches. When I realized my left finger was fully intact, I breathed a sigh of relief.
WEIRD!

Oh, and for those of you keeping tabs on me, my left foot is doing better. Still not tip-top, but yesterday I took it easy and also downed some painkillers/anti-inflammatories. Swelling went down a lot. Not sure I can/should run again yet though. Grrrr...!

Time to get ready for work! Have a great weekend all, and I'll make an appearance again tomorrow!

Bit of a Bugger

So, it's lovely when life is all roses, right?
But every now and then you get thrown a few lemons to keep you on your toes.
Life happens.
My ensuing short little rehash is not meant to be a complain-fest, or to bring anyone down. If your succeptible to negativlty, don't read on.
But if I'm going to be *Real* with you, dear blog readers, then I would be in error to relate only the good and leave out the bad and the ugly.

I think if you've kept up with me much, you won't have to be convinced that I'm a cheapskate.
Sometimes this fact bites me in the butt.
Today's lesson is a current example. Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, I hated to run.
Years accrued, and by some divine work, my opinion gradually changed. Now I view going for a jog as my preferred form of exercise.
Back when I was staying in New Zealand, I got into a habit of going for about a 25 minute jog up and down Peach Road. I was wearing my $20 Target sneakers, and the repercussions were soon observed. I don't know that I could call what I had "shin splints". Rather, the muscles on the sides of my legs started to freeze up. I was determined to exercise though, so for a while I kept trying to 'run through the pain'. Ok, yes, I'm a bullhead too...I blame my Norwegian roots!
Soon I was hobbling around and could barely walk...
Fortunately, my dear Korean friend Eun Sang took pity on me. He assessed my situation with his medical knowledge, and gave me a bunch of medicated patches to put on my legs, that relaxed my muscles back into some state of normaldom.

When I returned to the U.S. my good pal Foxx was excited about the thought of us running together. There are many beautiful trails in South Minneapolis (where we were staying)--truly a runner/biker's paradise. I told her it was a great idea and I would try it out, but odds were I wouldn't last long.
She suggested getting some good running shoes.
I was flat broke and couldn't afford any, so she charitably insisted on footing me some dough to secure myself the necessary footwear that would ensure her a running partner. [3 cheers for Foxx!]
I got a $60 pair of Aesics and was pleased as punch with how comfy they were. My legs were happy, my feet were happy, and I was happy!

But darnit...shoes wear out. Mind you, I've taken extremely good care of them! They still look like they are in very good shape. But a month or two ago, when I started jogging along good old Hwy 96 (as I no longer lived in South Minneapolis), I began to notice my leg muscles becoming painfully unhappy again. Around the same time, Foxx mentioned she thought she needed to get herself a new pair of running shoes too.

I tried to ignore the situation. I mean...moving cross-country, I had plenty of other things to concern myself with. So I hoped my shoe issues would just fade into the horizon.
Not so.
I've been very fortunate to get to go to a 24 hour fitness (that's the name of it) gym for FREE as my pal Stacey's VIP guest. I haven't been more strenuous than usual, but a few days back I began to notice my left heel hurting.

I thought, maybe it was my new work shoes, but I soon pinpointed the pain increased after going to the gym.
Today then, I crossed the line.
I jogged for 45 minutes on the treadmill, then did a 5 minute cooldown. By the time I hit my cooldown, I couldn't step down on my heel at all--I was walking on the side of my foot.
I tried to ignore it, but soon my left foot completely revolted.

Fortunately, I didn't have to hobble around too much at work tonight. When I got home though, the short walk from the car to the apartment was excruciating. I wanted to hop, but didn't want people to think I was mental.

Stacey, being her ever-resourceful self, soon dived into a health reference book for me, and discovered a section on Plantar Fasciitis...although this often affects obese people, it does mention athletes (ha!) suffering from it, especially if they use worn out shoes...
Doing some google image research, I further found the above pic (from www.aafp.org) which mentions if pinching the sides of the heels causes accute pain (it does!) the problem could also be a stress fracture. My heel is rather swollen...like the insole of my foot...it's weird and gross.

So in a few minutes I'm going to go to sleep and hope that when I wake up the swelling will be gone, I can walk normal, and I can keep on running in my 2 year old shoes. If any of these situations is not resolved upon my waking...I think I might cry....
Just kidding--I'm not actually emotionally distraught, just feeling at a bit of a loss...

Speaking of loss, how about a random deep thought to end on? Or you can just leave now... ;)
Ok, if you're still reading, here it is...
Lineage and genetics can be cruel. Children look like their parents. They can't help it...that's the gene pool they were pulled from. When you look into the face of a parent and can feel only hurt/loss/anger, it's really crummy that that echoes in your own visage and that of your siblings. A few minutes ago I was looking at a picture of my dad online. In his smile I could see my brother so clearly...and me too. And like a tragic piece of art, the sight made me want to cry. I'm sure many people have felt similarly since the dawn of time...

KR Recommends: Trader Joe's

When I lived in California before, I heard much talk of this "Trader Joe's" place. I wondered if it was a restaurant, a furniture place, or just a Pirate club.
I found out before I left that it was actually a grocery store, but never managed to get into it.
Not so for California Living Part II, my friends!
See, what I didn't realize was that this chain of stores deals with organic and natural foods!
Ok, admittedly that's not always something I jump up and shout about, but take it from me--there are some great buys here!
What's more, most choices are relatively inexpensive...I guess cuz they don't just sit on the shelves and take up space, as might happen in a regular grocery store.
I'm digging the dried fruit, for sure.
Also--honey sesame sticks...if only they were more nutritious, I would seriously try to live off of them. YUM! I know organic junk food is still junk food, but still... :)
And to my utter delight, I found crumpets yesterday! I haven't had crumpets since my time in New Zealand, so it gave me much joy!

I will warn you that a few items don't have my complete stamp of approval....
While I'm ecstatic that most (possibly all?) you can find in the store is lacking in evil partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, Peanut butter just doesn't make the cut. Besides the outrageous number of calories contained therein, a small taste is enough to make me choke.
I also tried to get some really healthy bread--Ezekiel 4:9's Sesame variety. Tasteless. So if you can cover it with something, it's edible, but by itself--blech!

If you're bummed that you can't be shopping at a Trader Joe's in California, cheer up! My friend Scott told me he spied at least one shop in the metro area (in the Twin Cities) and odds are the chain will continue to grow.

So go buy something healthy and eat it already!!!

God Writing # 13: "Who Knows Where All Our Days Go?"--Big Country

First off, just for the record...Big Country is a band that is from the '80's and hailed from Scotland...they were rock/pop music NOT country.
Ok then...

4/30/06
Like many before it, this weekend is fast disappearing. Social engagements, exercise, sleep, a few pages from a book, and already it's Sunday.
Like many before it, this year is fast disappearing as well. Blink, and it's almost May.
I have to admit that the concept of time often confuses my brain.
I arrived back at my mom's house on Friday. As I stood in my old bedroom and glanced out the window, the curtains caught my eye. I always am impressed with their appearance, and my mind often reiterates, "New curtains--very nice!" But they aren't 'new' anymore. In fact, they are probably more than 10 years old...

Back in high school, one of my classmates once gave a speech on the concept of time. He likened time itself to being a measure of change. Another friend of mine would add, " or decay." That definition makes sense to me. We see people age because their bodies change. A newborn appears much different than a six month old. A five year old appears much different than a 30 year old. A 40 year old appears much different than an 80 year old.

Yet from an internal perspective, today sometimes does not feel so far removed from a day ten years ago.
I find memories to be a double-edged sword. Sometimes they can bring such joy in recounting the past, and sometimes they are more of a harrassment, offering a reality that no longer exists. My heart goes out to people with Alzheimers...I often wish I could clear out some of my back catalog, and I'm not even 30 yet.
Even the concept of time travel has been a springboard for countless works of film and literature. The concept challenges one to wonder--what happens to my already-lived moments? Do they just disappear, or are they like cds stuck on repeat--echoing over and over again in some other dimension?

So what does God have to say about Time?
Yet again, I admit I am no great theologian...just a mere Christian with opinions and ideas.
Going back to the definition of time being a measure of change, my first inclination is to suggest that our Lord supercedes time entirely. Hebrews 13:8 tells us "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Similarly, James 1:17 refers to God as "the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." These verses suggest to me that everything about God is steadfast--nothing to change = no time to be measured?
Indeed, scripture seems to imply that as God sees us and our world, he has a completely different way of observing time. Psalm 90:4 points out, "For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night." 2 Peter 3:8 reiterates this, but also adds on interesting converse--"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day."

As for dealing with memories and how things used to be, it seems to me that the Bible tells us to keep looking forward, not backward. "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." (Isaiah 43:18) "Do not say, 'Why were the old days better than these?' For it its not wise to ask such questions." (Ecclesiastes 7:10) "...But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead..." (Philippians 3:13)
With all the promises of the good that lies ahead of us, if we hold to the Lord, looking ahead rather than behind seems a good option. But what about our lives right now?

Psalm 90:12 says, "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of widom."
Ephesians 5:15-16: "Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."
I think we need to be serious about how we spend our time. It does fly by. Blink, and you miss it. Good stewardship would include spending time with the Lord (reading scripture, praying, worshipping, at church, and just resting in His presence), time spent building into relationships, time spent serving others, time to work, and time to play.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 offers a great list too about different seasons in life, and how they balance each other out.

While here on earth, time might be an idea that I always struggle with. One day, perhaps, we will see its reign end. For now, I echo the psalmists from Psalm 31:14-15a: "But I trust in you, O LORD, I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hands..."

Article on Stone Sour

Hey! For those of you interested in what's going on in the world of Rock...here's an interesting (cut and paste) post from VH1:
http://www.vh1.com/news/articles/1534381/
20060615/stone_sour.jhtml?headlines=true

It's about Stone Sour frontman Corey Taylor. I admit I don't know much about him, but what I do know is interesting. He's also in the scary (an in my opinion extremely unlistenable) group Slipknot. This article gives me hope that God is working in his life, so if you feel the same, maybe you could shoot up a prayer for him.
Cheers!

God Writing tomorrow...today I must prepare for work!

S and V and Kairos--Oh My!

I was just trying to find an image to put up about Kairos (my church in LA) and came up rather empty-handed...but while I was looking, my friend S's husband V asked me to Google his name (for images) and we found a couple of pics of the wedding!
So this is V and S...the couple I'm residing with here in California.
S and I moved out together to LA 4 years ago, and when I left for New Zealand, she went and got herself hitched! Hahaha. :)
V is a fantastic guy though! They make a lovely couple and I'm pleased as punch to be their guest for now. (In case you're curious, V is ethnically Indian--that's why S is wearing red for her wedding; it's a cultural thing. Also V grew up in Puerto Rico so he's got an interesting mix of Indian and Latino culture going on.)

On a related note, if you're interested in checking out the website for Kairos it's: http://www.karios.la
(I'll put that on my sidebar soon too...just maybe not tonight)

I was able to attend a service this last Sunday night and it was lovely!!!
God is so good with encouraging me via small signs. I love the name for him that Hagar (Ishmael's mother) said in the Old Testament--"The God who Sees Me."
Sorry if that all sounds esoteric and unrelated.
Let me give you an example though...
Before I left MN I had a prayer send-off/get-together with 9 of my closest MN chums. We took communion together (for possibly the last time) and I was so thankful for the opportunity to be unified with my mini sort of 'family' through it. At Kairos on Sunday night, communion was done as well. (Stacey tells me this is uncommon.) The pastor made a point of putting the elements near the front of the room, and asking us to each come up to get our shares. He encouraged us to look at each other while we were doing this--a reminder of how precious and valued we each are in the body of Christ. So less than a week after celebrating the Lord's Supper with my MN 'family', I got to be unified through it with my new/LA family too.
Very cool.
Also, after communion we sang a few more worship songs. One was the "Give Us Clean Hands" song that I completely LOVE and first learned at Kairos a few years back.
So it all just felt like good confirmation/welcome back stuff.

Ok, time to change into some regular clothes and think about doing some laundry.
Best wishes to all!

"Nobody Walks in LA"--Missing Persons

Ok, so this isn't a picture from California...it's a nabbed google-image from Wisconsin's DOT website (of all places!) under the heading: Courteous driving tips.

Did I mention how much of a chicken I am?
Serious!
I inherited some sort of genetic predisposition from my mother. I'm doing what I can to rebel against it, but observing her current hesitance to drive into even the nearest 'city' with a population over 10,000, I fear for my future.
By some stroke of divine providence (or humor?) I now find myself in one of the biggest cities in the country. When I moved here before (4 years ago) I just simply abdicated vehicular activity (at least that featuring me behind the wheel). I stubbornly insisted I couldn't afford it, and walked when I couldn't get a ride from a friend. Yes, that included walking down Sunset Boulevard with a hamper full of dirty clothes on my way to Lucy's Laundromat on more than one occaission. I called it...character-building.
But now...these many moons have passed and finding myself in the next step of the age demographic (over 25), I find I am no longer at peace with trying to get away with such youthful shennanigans.
Now...I must sink or swim...drive or crash.

Here's something cool. My car was a total punk before I left MN, right? So I pawned it off on my brother and hoped I could figure out a way to make ends meet when I got here. God was like a gazillion steps ahead of me. Long story short is that I'm in the process (just have to finish up on registration and a few repairs) of accepting a Totally FREE '90 Ford Taurus from a church in Hollywood. Nice, eh? Sure...the thing has more miles on it than I ever thought possible...but apparantly it runs well and would be a great car to sacrifice up as my first crash.

There are times when I feel so ruled by fear that I can barely proceed. If I push through, I usually come out the other side braver, and stronger for it. When I first got my license back in December of '95, I was petrified when my mom gave me the go ahead to drive to work by myself. Less than 4 stinking miles along mostly country roads. But I made it, and each consecutive trip got a little easier.

My dear friend S has been a wonderful driving instructor to me over the past couple of days. She can't help it that the geographic info I'm stuffing into my head seems to fall out after a few hours. So I've started to take notes. For real. I have instructions on how to drive to and from work (which I start tomorrow). I was born with a defunct internal compass. Some people are great at figuring out where they are. Whenever I go with my gut instinct, I head the wrong way. Unless the coast is in sight, telling me to go N/S/W/E on a road confuses me beyond hope. Let's stick with right and left, and a few landmarks.

The good news is that I *have* successfully gone on 2 outings by myself so far. Or...mostly successful...last night after visiting Jamin @ his Grandparents' place near Long Beach, I took a wrong turn and had to call Stacey for directional help. I got home...but it was a bit harrowing.

So my friends...the drive of faith goes on.
I will conquer these streets, by the Grace of God, it will happen. And then...I will listen to the radio again.

****
In other news:
1)I saw a report on VH1.com about Korn's lead singer Johnathan Davis (sp?) having to cancel shows because he got this really serious blood infection. He should come out of it ok, but it was looking really serious for a while. I kind of get the feeling God is trying to get this guy's attention. Would you join me in praying his eyes and heart would open?

2)If you are looking for some chuckle-worthy entertainment, I have a suggestion for you. Go to www.fringeblog.com and check out the podcasts. It's a little list under the green Fringecasts button on the rightmost sidebar. I know one of the guys--Tim Fescoe--thanks to Kairos (the church out here I'm attending). I listened to a few of the shows tonight and had some good laughs...though I will warn you that you might have to wade through a bit of boys-will-be-boys material too. It's worth it though. If you check out the most recent cast, at least stick through to the fake ad for 'Da Vinci Bits'.
The humor is sort of like a West Coast version of Peter Welle. You non-Minnesotans who have no idea what I mean may gain enlightenment by clicking on my link to Peter's blog. But be forewarned...it's not for the faint of heart. In early June I left a comment on a post about OJ and ended up being called an "OJ whore" by another reader. It's cool though (as in, I'm not *really* offended)...

Ok, I've got a gazillion things to do so I should get on that! More about life in LA soon!

Having Arrived Safely

Hello Friends!
Well, yesterday saw the completion of my cross-country trek in a semi with my pal Jamin. This graphic is a similar model to the semi he drives...we loaded my stuff in the cab with us, and he also had a trailer attatched wherein he was hauling tissue paper, of all things.

I found it somewhat ironic that though my original plan was to head out at 7 am Wednesday morning, we actually started out about 12 hours later....
See, Jamin had to get some stuff fixed on his truck and repairs took a lot longer than anyone had planned. We got my stuff loaded up around 12:30 that day (thanks to Count Spot-chula for the extra help), and went to Eau Claire, WI to pick up the first load of paper. Ok, so, if I wasn't such an uptight Type A personality, I could have had an extra afternoon to chill in MN while Jamin picked up the load and then came back to get me. But I'm not, so I was happier coming along for the ride.
At Eau Claire, Jamin realized some stuff still hadn't been fixed with the truck, so on our way back through Minnesota, we returned to the repair shop in Blaine and waited...and waited...

But ultimately we got gone and passed through Iowa, Missouri, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona to make it to California.
It might not have been the road trip of my dreams, but Jamin is certainly pleasant company and it was a relatively cheap operation. He's also a heck of a driver. Yesterday I saw him do both a U-turn and make a nearly impossible left-turn in the residential area where I'm living now. Bravo, my friend!

My favorite thing from the whole deal was every opportunity I had to climb into the cabs. There are steps on the side of it and a few bars to swing yourself over and in. Reminded me of being on the monkey bars as a kid. :)

I didn't have much time for deep thoughts or reflection (I doubt that many people other than truck drivers can think much as they are getting jostled around...kind of like riding a horse, I guess) but I did have a couple of realizations:
1)I'm afraid of truck drivers
2)I'm afraid of people with Southern accents.

I realize both are blemishes on my soul and I promise with the utmost sincerety that I will strive to work past these hangups in the future.

More later!

See You on the Flip Side

Hey Friends!
Well, it's Monday night and my mood has improved greatly from when I got back to Minnesota yesterday afternoon...moving is always stressful...it's as sure as death and taxes.
Wrapping up as much as I can right now...I can't believe how much more stuff I'm taking with to LA this time around, but I guess that's life. I've had the chance to hang out with a few people last night, today, and on into tomorrow, so those are all lovely breaks for me.
Anyway, I don't expect I'll have much time or patience to blog any more before I head out, so this is it for the time being.
If I get a chance I might let you know I'm alive during the trip, but don't get scared if I don't pop up again for another week or two. :)
For now I'll leave you with the lyrics of The Wallflowers' "Back to California"...a song from their Rebel, Sweetheart album that my mom gave me as a birthday present this last December... (Excellent album...might do a write-up of it in the future!) When you read the word 'trenches', I always thought it said 'treasures'...interesting mixup I think.
So here it is...arevaderci (however you spell it!)...onward...and thank you, Jakob Dylan.

Back to California

Feels like a ghost here in this room
Not the kind that rides a saddle in a costume
All around me, all around you
In from the window for a drag of your perfume

Let's move back to California
Let's make a promise, baby
Let's both be there
Put our feet deep in sand
This garden's only got four corners
Back to your trenches, back to California

The days keep coming and the years overlap
Been crawling all over each other like wet cats
I hear the rebels yelling out in the dunes
And I don't think it's half as funny as I used to
Let's move back to California
Let's make a promise, baby
Let's both be there
Put our feet deep in the sand
Let's leave behind these maps and handguns
We're on our way back to California

We've got California in our eyes
Come on and catch us if you can
With California in our eyes

Passing down through a valley full of lost sheep
Straight is the gate, narrow is the walkway
Mercury rising and poppies in bloom
This is the kind of thing that I can get used to
Let's move back to California
Let's make a promise, baby
Let's both be there
Put our feet deep in the sand
There's still no shortage in creating bad blood
We're on our way back to California

We've got California in our eyes
Come on and catch us if you can
With California in our eyes
Fast as we can
Back to California
Come on and catch us if you can
Back to California
Fast as we can
Back to California

God Writing #12: Secret Wisdom is For the Birds...

Yes, that's right--I'm posting this week's God writing already! This weekend is when I should be arriving in LA, so I can't imagine I'll be in any shape to do my write-up then...

4/23/06

Our God is accessible.

Isn't that a wonderful thing?

Not only does He invite all people to come to Him, but He also comes to us to help us understand Him and begin to know him (Jesus and the Holy Spirit). We don't have to pay for the treasures of wisdom--they are freely laid out for us in God's word, preached from a million different pulpits, and proclaimed in thousands of songs.

John 3:16 and Romans 10:9-10 are short and concise, but offer the foundation of all that we need to know to inherit eternal life. Four year olds can understand just as well as aged geniuses.

We don't have to try to be "good" enough to draw near to God--Jesus' righteousness covers us. We don't have to look a certain way, have a degree, exceed a certain IQ, be born into a good family, have a certain amount of income, be able to run a five-minute mile, walk over hot coals, or even have a certain level of health. If we cling to Jesus, we're in.

I don't know about you, but this is a source of great comfort, peace, joy, and thankfulness for me.

What other religion of the world offers the same? Even in Islam, followers hope they can become "good" enough to stand in judgement. Most Muslims live in fear and some resort to extreme measures to tip the scales in their favor.

As Christians, we need to know and hold fast to this accessibility. Many factions pop up that claim some sort of "secret knowledge" of God--Free Masons and Kaballah for instance. The big Da Vinci Code story springs from the same idea--'secrets' that have been kept for centuries, and ultimately just serve to push us away from our Lord.

Knowing Jesus' character should make us wary of such things. He spoke in parables, sure, but when understanding/insight is given into these parables, we can see how plainly Jesus was ultimately speaking. John 8:43,47: "'Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say...He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.'"

When Jesus was arrested before his crucifixtion he also says, "'Am I leading a rebellion, that you come out with swords and clubs to capture me? Every day I sat in the temple courts teaching, and you did not arrest me...'" (Matthew 26:55) In other words, Jesus was not doing anything on the sly--he made his teachings known. This is reiterated when the High Priest questions him: "'I have spoken openly to the world,' Jesus replied. 'I always taught in synagogues or at the temple, where all the Jews come together. I said nothing in secret. Why question me? Ask those who heard me. Surely they know what I said.'" (John 18:20-21)

Jesus also tells his disciples early on to make his words known. In Matthew 10:26b-27 he instructs, "'There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.'"

His teaching of putting a Lamp on a stand also confirms this principle. Luke 11:33: "'No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in may see the light.'" Mark 4:21-23 puts it this way: "He said to them, 'Do you bring in a lamp to put it under a bowl or a bed? Instead, don't you put it on its stand? For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open. If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.'"

Whenever Jesus refutes the Pharisees or Saducees, or instructs the miscellaneous people who come to him, he uses the Scriptures. Some of his teachings add a new, surprising element to what the Jews already understood. But this is fulfilment--completeness--of what had already been written. Jesus never pulls a scroll out of his pocket to say, "Look! I found this new/secret teaching!" Or even, "I'm the Son of God so I wrote up this new set of Scriptures for you all..." The Gospels of the New Testament testify about Jesus, but they don't throw out the Old Testament in the process.

As a last bit of meditation, I appreciate Jesus' words in John 10:

"'I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a theif and a robber. The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice.' Jesus used this figure of speech, but they did not understand what he was telling them." (vs 1-6)

"Therefore Jesus said again, 'I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep...'" (v7)

"'I am the good shepherd...'" (v 11a)

Pilgrims' Progress (Walking Through Fields)

We walk as pilgrims
Through these fields
Where the grass grows so high
Our eyes cannot pierce
the short distance to each other
So we brave the journey alone
Unaware we are together

The blades spring up behind us
erasing our footsteps
and disconnecting us
from our pasts
Ensuring our forward momentum
as the escape routes are stolen away
And our memories are grown over

Each step is made in Faith
while snakes coil unnoticed
Feet from our soles
and thistles pop up between our toes
Though a moment's hesitation
would alter our pace
and the inches would deliver our heels
into the hungry, steel-jawed traps lying in wait

As we stretch our hands
and appear as walking crucifixes
it all feels more real--
the coming and the going--
Warm embraces
anticlimactic goodbyes
and love that cleaves the heart
Disappearing in waves underneath our fingertips

[photo courtesy of www.cepolina.com/freephoto/]

Hi to all, halfway through my WI finale!

Hey there...I snuck in an email/blog check while I'm here at my Aunt's house this Saturday afternoon. I'm being antisocial at the moment...with the rest of my younger cousins who are sitting inside playing video games while the oldies sit outside in the sun. This is how my family works...I used to be the only antisocial kid, and 10-15 years later there's a whole pack of them.
Don't fret, I'll head outside soon.
So...two nights down, a night and a day left before I return to MN to pack for my departure to LA.
I keep getting asked if I'm excited. Don't really know how to answer that one. God is helping me be beneficially myopic right now I think...one day at a time...I'll cross that bridge when I get there...etc., etc.

Got a chance to hang out with my WI pals Thursday night and eat at La Crosse's famous Rudy's Drive Inn (aka The Rootbeer Stand). Good times. Friday I had some chill Sabbath time, had lunch with my friend Nick, got together with a couple of old coworkers for pie, and spent the evening at my brother's place...for like the first time ever. Nice.
Hit a big emotional roadblock after that when my mom had too much to drink last night at June Dairy Days (our hometown's annual summer celebration), but I'll spare you the details...suffice it to say I'm trying really hard to not be mad, but it's not going so well...

On a more positive note, I had breakfast with my Grandma this morning and we had a good chat. She has been volunteering with the local school's kindergarten for the past 3 years. This year there was a young boy in the class with major disabilities, but I guess he's a lovely little guy! She had told me about him a while ago, but this time she had a picture she got just the day before (as it was the last day of school for them). I had to blink back tears as I saw the big smile on the little boy's face...not tears of pity, but tears that come from recognizing beauty...the daily courage to face a sometimes unpleasant world, and how much God can use the unlikeliest candidates to bless the rest of us...