God Writing #2: Finger Pointing...at myself

Disclaimer: This one starts off rather personal, so if you'd rather not read that sort of material, feel free to skip the exposition and jump down to the &&& sign. If you do read this first part, forgive me for editing out a few things that I thought prudent to censor. Cheers. :)

2/11/06
I was feeling worn out. A threadbare shirt you could see through if you held it up to the light. On the outside, things seemed just fine...leadership going well, seeing God move in people's lives, encouragement from friends, etc. But on the inside I was being consumed with all the ways I didn't measure up.
It started as a whisper. I didn't even realize I was listening at first...a hardly audible poke at my heart that I gave audience to on an increasing basis. Had it begun at the decibel it grew to, I believe I would've recognized the voice and called it for what it was. Instead I found myself caught by the old foot-in-the-door trap.
I was tired. It had been an amazing weekend . While I was ready for a vacation to let things settle, time simply wouldn't permit it. What seemed at first like an easier week than most, soon proved to be otherwise. For ABS [stands for Area Bible Study--the main part of my church's senior high ministry that I volunteer with] on Wednesday, I was just responsible for the opener. Then a coleader called and said he couldn't make it--could I do the Getting Into the Word part too? And with a mere two days notice?
On Wednesday I received a call that yet another coleader couldn't make it. That left our group with me and one final leader who had just gotten back from a trip and was a bit unprepared. (He covered well though!) And apparently we had so much to say that I spoke right through small group time. I honestly don't know where the time went. When I looked at my watch I felt like I had been caught in a weird nightmare--Surely it couldn't be 9 pm already?!
And the whispers began to grow in frequency and strength. I stole small group time from our students. I was power-hungry, self-important, and foolish to demand as much time as I did. The material I was sharing was not even suited for teenagers...I had erred greatly in judgment and wasted everyone's time. What's more, when I made an exit that night--sooner than most of the students--I was surely shirking my responsibilities.
Not to mention the continuous platform of guilt I'd been standing on regarding...[edited for content--Essentially the issue was that I hadn't personally confronted someone about bad choices I believed they were making and because of this I felt cowardly, judgmental, unkind, hypocritical, and negligent.]
So these thoughts stewed away and spun round and round my head and heart. I had plenty of opportunity to consider each and agree with each (multiple times!) as I was worked at night. Add to that my disgust every time I caught my reflection and saw the rash on my face [some mysterious, yet annoying form of dermatitis]... I was ugly. I was not a good steward of my appearance. I didn't have enough faith to see my rash healed. I was way too negative. I was a huge hypocrite for attesting that appearance doesn't ultimately matter and yet telling God that I didn't want to [edited for content--basically obey Him in a particular way] unless He cleared up my face first.
Ever more fuel to add to the fire, I was not a good employee. I complained too much, was unloving toward the residents I was caring for and my coworkers, lacked motivation, and found it a struggle to keep my eyes open--much less carry my own weight in responsibilities.
As I write this, I have to shake my head at how oblivious I was to what was going on, but I'm not even done yet.
Thursday nights I help [helped!] with the youth part of my church's recovery ministry. Wednesday night I had a chat with my landlord about a number of my frustrations with this ministry. Which made things really interesting...
First off, I was late because of bad weather, traffic, and the fact I had squeezed in an errand after my monthly work meeting had ended early.
When I arrived I was told that two of the other female leaders wouldn't be there that night. I immediately felt guilty because 1)I was a tad bit critical of them for not being willing to brave the weather and 2)I again felt the urge to take charge and considered myself power-hungry in the process.
When the time came to break into small groups, I tried to act authoritative without demanding to be the one behind the wheel for the entire time. I'm not sure if my mindset came across as I intended it to... I do know I had a heck of a time speaking coherently all night. Another mark against me. I had brought a song to play that tied in with the lesson. When the time came to air it, I became painfully aware of its slow pace and the disinterest of my audience. OLD. IRRELEVANT. OUT OF TOUCH. I accepted every label whispered to my heart and tried to disguise my pain and embarrassment with an indignant attitude.
I went to work that night feeling like I couldn't get these events out of my head, nor my desire to NOT care about some of the girls that night who seemed to be trying to push my buttons. Every frustration I had voiced against the other leaders came back to haunt me, along with the internal accusation that I couldn't lead any better myself.
This is not even an exhaustive list of all the marks I considered against me, all the insults I internally carried, all the guilt I felt lost in.
As I began my 3 hour drive back to Wisconsin [to visit my family and hometown pals], I had to fight to keep my eyes from closing. Sometimes this trek is an awesome opportunity to spend time with God...to pray, to plan, to sing, etc. This time around I barely had the energy to decide what radio station to listen to.

&&& But the Lord is ever faithful, and answered my feeble prayer for help by landing me on a Christian station to hear some powerful preaching. One of the things being talked about was how a Christian should respond to adversity: 1)Flee temptation--when facing our own sinful flesh 2)Have Faith--when facing the world 3)Fight--when facing the enemy. The preacher quoted James 4:7, "Resist the Devil and he will flee from you." Suddenly I realized how I was being overcome...
The footnote for Job 1:6 mentions that the name Satan means "Accuser." That is one of his character traits. I remember meditating on this when I was in Los Angeles. Clarity often comes to me when I see my issues played out in another's life. As I saw one of my roommates struggling with a constant internal barrage of accusations, I realized the enemy's attack on all of us who had come out to be a part of Kairos [church in LA]. But how easily I forget...
Perhaps it's because I still buy into the concept of false humility where it seems good to recognize my bad spots. But it becomes less acknowledgement and more identification. The devil tells me I'm a heartless, critical, cold gossip. Jesus tells me I'm God's child that happens to get tripped up in sin sometimes. My sin does NOT identify me, nor does it steer the course of my life...but if I listen to the whispers of my accuser, the opposite is true.
1 John 1:9 tells us, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Confession is the gateway to forgiveness and liberation. So what obstacle can stand in the way of confession when its rewards are so precious?
I cannot fathom my response. It seems to me that when I start listening to the whispers, my shame grows, and like Adam and Eve I choose to hide in the bushes rather than go walk with God. What's even crazier is how it's not a cognitive thing. Perhaps I expend so much focus and energy by sitting in the muck of my mistakes and trying to pitch a tent of defense, that I don't have the time to consider confession. A sorry excuse.
How can I be so easily deceived by the voice of the enemy? The Holy Spirit brings conviction, but it's measured with grace. The Lord does not expect me to be Superwoman, even when I expect it of myself. Psalm 103:14 proclaims, "...For He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."
Sometimes when the Lord uses me and I can feel it, I feel *ON*. It's an awesome, exhilarating place to be. But it's not neverending. When I'm left with a bit of a spiritual vacuum, I need to learn how to rest in His grace. When the enemy points out my own unrighteousness, I need to believe and proclaim that Jesus' righteousness covers me (Philippians 3:9). I need to learn to accept my imperfections with mercy, instead of thinking, "I wish I could kick my own a**!" I need to Keep putting on my spiritual armor and start resisting my enemy with the shield of faith and the sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6) instead of embracing the very weapons being used to pierce me.
With God's help I'll learn...

Hot News on Good Music

[postscript...the following is a link, but because its so long it was messing with my blog format...so if you're interested in checking it out--and I highly encourage it!--please copy and paste the entire thing (ending with the number) into your browser window. Sorry for making life complicated...something about not having one's cake and eating it too I guess...]

http://www.vh1.com/news/articles/
1527358/20060329/muse_uk_.jhtml?
headlines=true&_requestid=484091

Hopefully that link holds up. This is an article on VH1.com about the group Muse having a forthcoming album in July. Wahoo! I got Muse's album Absolution a couple of summers ago and it is FANTABULOUS! There's probably a cooler adjective out there for it, but I don't have time to sit here and think it up, so just roll with me on this.
My pal Foxx and I saw Muse perform @ The Quest back in Nov '04 and the show was amazing too.
For my blog here, I've envisioned throwing up some rough music reviews, and though I've been dragging my heels a bit on this, perhaps this is the takeoff motivation I need. So look for what I have to say about Absolution in the coming days (ahem--the album, not the concept. :)

Also, I heard on the radio that another favorite band of mine--Gomez--has a new album coming out in early May. Yay! Drive 105 (that's a radio station for any of you not in-the-know) is starting to play the first single, but sadly I've only had the pleasure of hearing the last 15 seconds of the song twice now. My timing is sure to improve as rotation gets pumped up.

And totally random note here, but have any of you seen the media coverage today of the sole survivor from the mining disaster a few months back? This morning at work I caught a few minutes of it on a morning tv show (the one with Matt Lauer--Today? Good Morning America? Virtually the same anyway...) Wow, how cool. I remember praying for this guy when they found him, and I'm sure tons of other people were praying for him too, so it's so cool to see him back in relatively good health. The tv people said the doctors have no idea why he survived and no one else did. I got a bit teary-eyed when his wife mentioned that every day before he left for work he used to kiss his kids and tell them, "I love you and God loves you too." :)

One step closer to a goal

Hey guys! Why am I not sleeping? Good question...I guess I will be soon enough.
Anyway, first off: for those of you who might be reading this within the next few days, and just happen to be simultaneously thinking to yourselves, "Gee, I wish I could find something to pray about...the world's just so lovely and no one is doing anything of consequence, and I'd really like to pray for something but I've just got nothing on my radar..." (yes, tongue firmly in cheek on that!), well have I got a great suggestion for you!
A team of teenagers plus 5 or so adults from my church is currently on a mission trip to Tijuana, Mexico, and they could use any spare prayers you could offer! :) They are helping out in an orphanage. Feel free to offer a couple of words up on their behalf (behalves?).
Now are you wondering about the title of this?
Then let me fill you in.
A while back I decided that one of my life goals is to memorize the lyrics to R.E.M.'s "It's the end of the World as We Know It". I've been pleased with myself at how much I've gotten down thus far, but have had to face the reality that lest I peruse the lyrics visually, I'm probably never going to fulfill this dream.
So...I just finished up running a couple of errands and the activity left me with enough gumption to track down the lyrics over the Web.
(By the Way--if you want to use a search engine that will benefit a charity in the process, instead of always going through Google you could try www.goodsearch.com. Thanks to my pal Christy Merry for making me aware of this. I've only used it once so far, but I've chosen to benefit a charity from Arizona that's called Coalition of Christian Native American Women. Why? Cuz I have a heart for Native Americans, Christians are pretty cool, women need support, and the American Bible Society wasn't listed. Yeah, I'm weird like that...)
Without further Adieu then, I present to you...the lyrics to R.E.M.'s classic song:

"That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane -
Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn -
world serves its own needs, don't misserve your own needs. Feed it up a knock,
speed, grunt no, strength no. Ladder structure clatter with fear of height,
down height. Wire in a fire, represent the seven games in a government for
hire and a combat site. Left her, wasn't coming in a hurry with the furies
breathing down your neck. Team by team reporters baffled, trump, tethered
crop. Look at that low plane! Fine then. Uh oh, overflow, population,
common group, but it'll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves it's
own needs, listen to your heart bleed. Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right - right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright
light, feeling pretty psyched.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
Six o'clock - TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign tower. Slash and burn,
return, listen to yourself churn. Lock him in uniform and book burning,
blood letting. Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate. Light a candle,
light a votive. Step down, step down. Watch a heel crush, crush. Uh oh,
this means no fear - cavalier. Renegade and steer clear! A tournament,
a tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives
and I decline.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
The other night I tripped a nice continental drift divide. Mountains sit in a line.
Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Breshnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You symbiotic, patriotic,
slam, but neck, right? Right.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine...fine... "

So...I hearby endeavour to commit these words to memory and hopefully in a month or so I'll be able to sing with the song the whole way through. Yay! :)

Identity Check

So the church I'm currently attending is big enough to circulate it's own magazine. It's not a cheesy little handout either, it's a full-fledged, professionally done, almost -50 page periodical.
Yesterday, as I was sitting at my landlord's computer waiting to sign into my hotmail account, I spied the latest issue of this magazine next to the keyboard.
Non-chalantly I skimmed through the headlines....
"What's Eagle Brook [that's the name of the church] All About?"
"Get a Look Inside the New Lino Building"
"Plus...How to Make a Big Church Feel Small"
"Core Beliefs That Unite Us"
and the kicker: "Inspiring Stories from 'Brookers'"

I'm telling you, I nearly gasped. BROOKERS? That's what people who attend Eagle Brook call themselves? Ack! 10 months ago I was attending a church called The Rock and was proud to call myself a Rocker, but now I'm a Brooker?!! Aye Karumba, where has my edge gone...?
Maybe it's just another sign that I'm getting old.
Like seeing the veins on the backs of my hands pop out more and more. That's a pleasant image, isn't it? :)
I remember when I was a little kid, I was fascinated with how skeletal my mom's hands looked in comparison to mine. Bone and veins and ligaments with skin pulled tightly over the top and a ring or two to accentuate the lines. Meanwhile I could sometimes see the blue streaks under my skin, but my hands were as plump and flat as, well...oddly shaped pancakes?
Time does have its way though. Though my hands would still look pudgy in comparison to my mom's, they are definitely looking leaner these days, and it's hard to convince those tell-tale veins to keep laying down...
Maybe the next time someone mistakes me for a highschooler, I'll wordlessly splay my hands in front of my face and wait in awkward silence until they apologize for their error in judgment. Or not....

So, the moral of the story is though I may accept the term Brooker for the time being, don't count on finding me sporting pastel cardigans any time soon, friends.
Any one know what the term for a member of Kairos [that's a church too] is...a Kairosian perhaps? Now *that* sounds groovy...

Quick Insight

Uh-oh, with this post I think I'll be bumping my intro into the archives! Ah well, the time has come, I guess...
Ok, real quick.
I just got back from church and tonight we were being taught on the importance of reading the Bible everyday (Amen!), and the pastor was using a bit of text from John chapter 6 (starting at verse 22). You're welcome to go read the whole deal--it's about people following Jesus around after he did one of those miraculous feedings. At one point he says to them something akin to "You're following me because you want food, not because I just performed a miracle." Some conversation ensues and ultimately Jesus teaches that rather than perishable bread, people should look to him as the Bread of Life, which eternally fulfills.
So what caught my attention tonight was the last few verses in this section. The NLT (New Living Translation) was being used, which ends up being why this stood out.
Here it is:
(Verses 33-35a) "'The true bread of God is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.'
'Sir,' they said, 'give us that bread every day of our lives.'
Jesus replied, 'I am the bread of life..."

Ring any bells?
I was struck by how much that is reminiscent of the Lord's Prayer.
Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed by Your name
Your Kingdom come
Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us
And Lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil
For Yours is the kingdom, and the power and the glory, forever and ever
Amen

I think most people consider the petition for daily bread to be a means of asking the Lord for our daily needs--food, clothing, shelter, health, etc.
It's kind of wild to think that perhaps this petition could also be a means of asking for Jesus to be with us every day of our lives.
Seemed like a really cool thing to me, so I just thought I'd share. :) I will give the disclaimer that things do sound a little different in the NIV form though--the people simply ask, "Sir, from now on give us this bread."

God Writing #1: Hopping onto the Sabbath Train

2/3/06

Sabbath.
In my confirmation days I would be quick to tell you the third commandment: "Remember the Sabbath Day by keeping it Holy. What does this mean? We should fear and love God that we do not despise preaching and his word, but regard it as holy, and gladly hear and learn it." Translation? Go to church and do so joyfully.
In that regard I've been obedient for the better part of my life. Sure, sometimes I'd rather be home sleeping, but for the most part I enjoy my regular 'check-in's with The King and other members of the royal family.
But is the enormity of "Sabbath" succinctly found in Martin Luther's definition? God bless old Martin, but I've concluded he only saw a small slice of the pie. [postscript: Any of you interested in Luther should check out the movie Luther from 2001 or so...FANTASTIC film!]
In the Old Testament, God's people were pretty uptight about observing the Sabbath. They were told to do NO work--not even manna-collecting. Of course Jesus liberated us with the New Covenant, and we're free to worship him any and every day of the week and in relevant cultural contexts that probably would've left our ancient brothers and sisters with their jaws hanging.
Hooray for freedom! Hooray for Grace! Hooray for not being stoned if I decide I want to make myself pancakes for breakfast one Sunday morning!
But what have I done with this precious liberty? Poked and trimmed and amputated limbs to make God's rule fit into my busy, cramped world.
Busyness is a chronic disease in our day and age. I know...I'm terminal.
The trick is that our hours, minutes, weeks, years, etc. get stacked with so many good options/opportunities that while you're focusing on being efficient, you soon find you've been steam-rolled by your own schedule.
Maybe we're a natural result of our ever-advancing technological age. This is our time in history. These are our libraries and book stores and Amazon.coms, filled to overflowing with throw-away pages on any subject you could imagine, and plenty of make-believe for an added degree of escapism. Our millions of novels that drown the titles of classics with their credentials of being on the Best Sellers' list, and demanding our time and attention if we are to stay relevant. But who has time to read?
These are our AM and FM frequencies with radio stations right on top of each other that play the same 5 songs every hour in different formats and showcase the revolving door of new releases and talent that no one will remember in ten years' time. These are our satellite radio stations and mp3 players and ipods begging for customization of our own catalogs and a 24 hour soundtrack to our lives. These are our downloads and local concerts and demos put together by friends who suggest we learn to play an instrument to make a demo of our own. But what song can possibly remain undiscovered yet and who would want to listen to our covers anyway?
These are our 67 channels worth of TV programs and 40 year old reruns that still deserve viewings. These are our a plethora of surreal reality presented as a gameshow so we can observe the lives of others instead of living our own. These are our WB pilots about teenage life in a multi-moraled neighborhood with ethical conundrums that get solved within 30 minutes or dangerously dare to carry over into the next week. These are our sitcoms with catch-phrases and hairstyles that will define a point of time. Everyone has one series they watch faithfully...our rewards may be only empty hands and lost time, but the dependability of spending time with our artificial friends gives us something steady to stand on.
And these are our email inboxes filled to capacity with mere sentences we are reluctant to terminate. These are our ever-expanding contacts and buddy lists as we find our worth in the number of 'friends' we can count--even if a name is only that of a coworker who emailed to doublecheck the time of a work meeting. These are our blogs detailing every thought of the articulate and offering a chance of attention to those who want to be seen, as if chronicling the items in each days lunch leaves a legacy for the world. [postscript--no offense to my friends with quality blogs out there... :)] These are our websites, both professional and personal, full of the accomplishments of having their own web addresses. But does Windex really need a corner of cyberspace?
These are our museums filled with art, history, and science that can be walked through in an hour, leaving our minds swimming in facts and forced appreciation. These are our theatrical productions, and sports matches, and open mic nights, always hungry for another avid participant or fan. These are our coffeeshop meetings with friends, and restaurants to catch up in over dinner, and ministry programs to throw ourselves into with wild abandon.

And it's all good. But it's all too much.

Students find it a challenge to go on a weekend retreat because homework keeps them up until one in the morning, and jobs and dances, and sports and drama and family engagements demand immediate attention.
I find it next to impossible to sleep in because of my ever-growing list of social commitments and errands.
Going to church? That's just one more thing to cross off on my To-Do List. Yes, I enjoy it. Yes, it's refreshing. But when I walk out the door, I'm right on to the next thing. Eventually I find myself admitting that sometimes my pursuit of being a "good" Christian gets in my way of being a Christian.
I want to walk with the LORD like Enoch and Elijah did--to know Him that well, to be that tight with Him that one day He just says, "Child, I've just got to take you home with me right now!"
The reality is I spend far less time walking with Him than I do walking for Him.

Don't get me wrong--it's a joy and an honor to be His steward. I'm overwhelmed with appreciation for the chance to teach my high school students things I believe God wants them to know. [FYI I volunteer as a leader with my church's high school ministry] It makes me feel, well, exuberant. I'm also thankful for the opportunity to talk with students in my church's Recovery program. I think it is a gift when the Lord breaks my heart for them. Compassion? Love? What more evidence do I need that the Holy Spirit has transformed my life? I'm also so glad to have so many amazing friends and delight in opportunities to share life, encourage, and pray with them. Some days I can barely believe how blessed I am!
But I know I would throw it all away if I had to choose between the "stuff" and sitting at God's feet. Psalm 27:8 (NLT): "My heart has heard you say, Come and talk with me.' And my heart responds, 'LORD, I am coming.'" But how much of a delay is there in my coming?
It's like when you've got a million things to do and the doorbell or phone rings. As you're drying dishes and trying to comb your hair, you keep shouting out, "Coming!"
The LORD is so patient and loving. He'll wait. But I would like to change my attitude to be that of dropping everything and running for the door, shouting between gasps of breath, "Here I am!"

Rest--I need it. Jesus tells us to come to him and he will give us rest. So why do I put it off? I neglect my talents when I don't give him my time. I start running on fumes...being poured out without returning to the gas station for a refill. Crazy. Staying busy just perpetuates the cycle.
So in the last month or so, the Lord has forcefully been reminding me of my need to observe a regular Sabbath of some sort. He put up with me plugging my ears for a decade or more, but obviously loves me too much to let it go on any longer.
I need time to focus.
Time to shut off all the activity and options and just look to the LORD...take His arm and stroll. Time to be filled back up with His words of life, His peace, His love, His direction for me. Time to run my pen across a page and let out what the Holy Spirit put in my heart rather than a mandated monologue of what I've been up to.
I'm endeavoring to make this a regular practice and I look forward to the fruit it'll bear.

Intro to God Writings...

So guys, before launching in, I just wanted to give a few words of explanation...
At the beginning of February, I decided to finally commit to schedule in some Sabbath time in my weekend. This sort of thing might look a lot different from one person to another, but generally my angle has been a relaxed-pace quiet time, followed by a time of journaling about some spiritual issue. (I find that in writing I often process better than in talking or reading.) I'm calling these journalings/meditations "God writings" because essentially it's me spending time with God and writing about it. There's probably some catchier or more apt term out there, but I lack motivation to think of it. ;)
These journalings are on the longer side. You've been warned. I'm not going to apologize for it though! No one says you have to read all or any of it, but if you do, I hope it blesses you. :)
I'll probably be posting one a week as that's the rate I'm cranking them out. Just as an FYI the first few seem to be longer than the ones I've been doing lately.
Ok then, without further adieu, I best start typing!

Check it!

Ok, one more tonight before I leave the world in peace...
If you've got a moment, check out the 24/7 prayer site I have a link to on my sidebar. There's a very cool article (supershort) called Whispers and Holding On or something like that. Check it out!
Also, the thunderstruck website has a ton of info...
in my skimming I just found out that 1)Hank Williams Jr.'s daughters were recently in a bad car accident. Might I suggest those of us who feel moved pray for their family?
2)The girl who stars in the movie Whale Rider (Go AOTEAROA!) is going to be playing the Virgin Mary in an upcoming movie. Hopefully it'll be a good one.
Alright then, peace out guys...!

What Brings you Joy?

I was thinking tonight at work about the things in life that make me feel happy, peaceful, and satisfied all at once. (hence I'll simply use the term 'joy')
Of course there are a lot of things in life that are good, but I came up with a list of 3 sure-fire activities I engage in that always induce that feeling. So...officially submitted for anyone's perusal:

1)Throwing things into the air and then catching them. Seriously. Sometimes people pass it off as fidgeting, and it has made me wonder if I'm not slightly autistic or something (from what I've heard, autistic people like constant movement), but there's nothing like playing a round of vertical catch. My first two years in high school marching band, I was a rifle in the colorguard. Catching those rifle tosses was an exhilarating exercise...perhaps similar to a figure skater landing a triple axle? I still catch myself twirling brooms around when no one is watching me, but the balance isn't quite right to throw and catch them. Every night at work, however, I get my joy fix by tossing cans of liquid nutrition (think stuff like Ensure). They say shake before using, you know. I was pondering recently if I could put juggling down as a hobby, but came to the conclusion I would have to say one-handed one-item juggling. It may sound lame, but it's still Tons 'O Fun!

2)Blowing on a blade of grass. You know what I'm talking about--put a nice, thick blade of grass between your thumbs, narrow the gap, and blow until you get a loud honking sound. I LOVE this! It's been too long. I remember a few times in school when I would sit down and use up my time (recess? probably) blowing on grass blades and laughing myself silly. It was one of the few times that I didn't care if other people thought I was being obnoxious because I was having so much fun! (Ok, I admit there is a slim possibility this could be due to lack of oxygen, but who can prove it?) A year ago I was reading my bible and suddenly felt inspired to be silly, and since it was winter and I was inside, I used a piece of paper (might even have been a Bible page)...same effect--funny honking noise and lots of laughing from me. :) Did I mention I've always liked ducks...?

3)Sticking a piece of silverware into the middle of a piece of food. What can beat the simple satisfaction of sticking knife in the middle of a cake? Sticking a fork in the middle of a slab of meat? Even inserting a spoon into a pile of ice cream? The principle is to have the piece of silverware stand up by itself. It looks completely silly, out of place, and a little bit intimidating. Good for a smile on the inside, says I!

Whatever your mode for finding nuggets of joy, I wish you all time for a little bit of it today!

Leaving Comments

Please do, if you can! (assuming you have something to say)
Hmmm...I'm not sure why my Pi post has no comment button...maybe it got too long? I went back to my settings and found I had something slightly off, but by all accounts it should be fixxed now. Supposedly. If you an expert in this and see me doing something wrong, feel free to offer suggestions...that old Intro to Microcomputers class I took about 8 years back isn't as fresh in the old memory banks as I would hope.
If nothing else, you can always email me your comments too!
P.S. Two minutes later--I think I figured it out! Must've been a slip of the fingers as I was typing before. Forgive my lack of dilligence and COMMENT AWAY!!! :)

Thoughts on Pi

Cherry, Blueberry, Strawberry, French Silk, Lemon Meringue, Apple...you name it, I'll eat it. :)
Oh wait, not that kind of Pie!
I'm talking about the number--you know, 3.14whatever-whatever-whatever... More specifically, I'm talking about the movie directed by Darren Aronofsky which is titled with the symbol for pi. Ever seen it? The movie--that is?
Well, I just watched it the other night. If you're unfamiliar with the premise (and if that's you, don't fret--you're in good company) it is all about this crazy mathematician guy who is trying to crack a code that explains the pattern of the stock market. If you think of the Pythagorean theorem you'll get some idea...things in nature shown to have a pattern that lends a certain sense of order to the chaos all around us. Follow me?
The conflict in the plot is that the closer this guy seems to get to a breakthrough, the more it seems like his body is giving out on him (massive headaches, nosebleeds, muscle spasms, etc.). His mentor, who some time before had suffered a stroke while contemplating the same thing, urges him to take a break. Meanwhile some annoying corporate posse are hounding him in an effort to get inside info so they can get rich AND he starts running into these guys who are involved in Kaballah--they're also trying to crack a code that will give them further insight to the Torah.
Soon the protagonist realizes that the same 216 digit number that he finally reaches as his 'answer' is the same number the Kaballah guys are looking for. Eventually (during the process of trying to beat the secret out of Mathematician-guy), the Kaballah crew reveals that the real reason they want the 216 digit number is because they believe it is the secret name for God that was lost to the Jewish people centuries ago. (If you're unfamiliar with the concept, the Jews of old considered God's name too Holy to speak of commonly, so they took out the vowels and switched things up, which is how God got the nickname--if you will--of Jehovah or Yahweh.) Earlier on in the film, one of the guys explained that every word in Hebrew could be represented by a number...in our alphabet think of it like A=1, B=2, etc...

So, I promised thoughts not a complete retelling, right? Forgive my longwindedness... ;)

Despite the fact that I was grossed out by a number of scenes (blood--no matter how ungorily it's filmed--makes me queasy, and there was a brain in a few shots too...you don't even want to know about the climax at the end...), I thought this movie was shot excellently.
I related with the protagonist on several levels, which is usually the main goal of any piece of work, right?
There's a few scenes that show him doing every day things like dumping cream into his coffee or watching waves break on the beach. But as you watch, you understand that the guy is constantly analyzing and trying to figure out the pattern behind everything--even these simple occurrences. I could relate to that sort of tension...sometimes it's more of a subconscious thing though. My brain might be trying to remember a random song lyric that applies to something I see...or it might be trying to recall the exact events of a dream I had the night before...or place the name of some phantom in my memory. Regardless, when the wheels are spinning relentlessly, it's a miserable state to be in. The director contrasted this so well with a shot at the end where the protagonist finally looked completely at peace...I shouldn't give the whole story away though.

Ok, only one other thought, I promise!

Back to the Kaballah people and their search for the secret name of God. I find the idea fascinating that if there is some sort of numerical pattern governing all of life, it would be equivalent to God's name. There's verses in the Bible that talk about how creation displays God's glory. It's intriguing to think that if every created thing had a code behind it that we could read, that code would be God. Maybe that's a 'duh' sort of statement...creation reflects it's creator, right?! But wow...think of all the intellectual people out there who put their faith in numbers and figures but are rather hostile towards the Lord. What if those very numbers and figures are trying to point these people to God?!
Admittedly, I am probably not the first person who has considered this (or even in the first million), but I thought it was worth mentioning all the same.

Enough with my ramblings now, I need some sleep!
Oh...and I promise that not all of my future posts will be so impromptu in their structure....
Be Cool my Peeps.

Intro

Hey Friends,
welcome to my blog. What can I say? I held out for a lonnnng time before succumbing to this temptation. I read a handful of blogs on occasion but sometimes wonder if they all aren't a bit self-indulgent and Did I really think the world had interest in what I was thinking anyway?
Well the truth of the matter is that I find them to be a great medium for staying in touch with people (thank you Christy M.!) and getting past the annoying surface of "How are you doing? Good? Good!" to what's really flying through someone's head and/or heart.
Also, I can't deny that a part of me is a writer, and as I've recently gotten into the habit of journaling a bit during my designated weekend Sabbath time, I've concluded that a blog provides the perfect environment for airing these meditations for anyone brave enough to slog through them. Wow, was that a run-on sentence or what? Forgive me my English teachers...
So what you can expect to peruse here will range from God-writings to updates to music recommendations to random thoughts. Enjoy if you will or run screaming in the opposite direction: the choice is yours; I'm just doing my thing.
Peace-Out Peeps...